Whether it's prison tourism or courthouse hotels, we are obsessed with all things penal. But we need do more to protect our criminal heritage, writes Guardian prisons correspondent and former Bow Street defendant Eric Allison.
Unseated: workmen remove the magistrate's chair at Bow Street Magistrates Court. Photograph: Bruno Vincent/Getty
It was with a strong sense of indignation, laced with not a little nostalgia, that I heard the news that Bow Street Magistrates Court , arguably the most famous legal arena in the UK, is to be turned into a luxury hotel.
In the late of autumn of 1990 - and in my previous existence - I appeared in the dock of court number one, en route to the Old Bailey. If you're going to be nicked and stood up before the beak, then surely better to do so in a place that has history oozing out of its every brick, bolt and bar. But the fact that I was standing in the same dock as had held Oscar Wilde - not to mention Dr Crippen and the Kray twins - afforded me a little comfort as I began my journey to trial.
I finished up at the Old Bailey, but they stuck me out in court 13, which was all very Legoland, strip-lighting and plastic veneer. It might as well have been Milton Keynes. I really wanted courts one or two, proper courts. Close your eyes and you can see the ghost of Marshall-Hall, up on his feet, charming a verdict from the twelve good and true.
What's wrong with those responsible for the maintenance of our criminal heritage? Do they not possess souls? This isn't the first of the capital's courts to be turned into a bed factory. Great Marlborough Street - another courthouse haunted by spirits of miscreants long past - now, presumably, greets new arrivals with, "Thank you for choosing the Courthouse Hotel Kempinski , we hope you enjoy your stay." All the convicted murderers who ever stood in the dock must be spinning in their unconsecrated graves.
There is this clear fascination with all things penal: look at the hordes of punters who happily shell out thousands to flock to visit Alcatraz, Robben Island penitentiaries. Oxford jail is now a Malmaison hotel, while just down the road, at Reading, there is an Oscar Wilde tourist trail and memorial gate, although he can't have made much use of them during his stay.
Why stop at unused prisons? Now that the privatisation of the penal system is well under way, why not go the whole hog and charge people to say in proper slammers? The prison system certainly has some choice locations. Fancy the Isle of Wight for a week? Certainly Sir, Parkhurst , Albany, or Camp Hill? Anyone for Dartmoor? Steeped in history and quite handy for Torbay. And as for the cusine, in the words of the old song:
"I've been a porridge eater now
For 20 odd years or more
But I'd never ate Grade A cement
Till I went on the Moor ."
Which other buildings could be used as leisure venues? Morgues? Ideal for the macabre of mind. Let's hear it.
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