Jesmond Dene Road (0191 212 3000; www.jesmonddenehouse.co.uk
Price: doubles from £145 a night. Suites from £270. Personal training from £25. Buy train tickets to Newcastle from GNER (08457 225225; www.gner.com).
We liked: walking in the misty gardens.
We didn't like: the price of the cocktails.
The verdict: friendly country house vibe defies its proximity to buzzing city centre.
School would have been so much better if it had been like this. A promise of magic hangs in the mist lingering on the branches of the trees that lean in towards the leaded windows of the grand, rambling pile.
Although the Jesmond Dene House Hotel was once a proper school, it's easier to imagine the lessons were in potion production and broomstick maintenance than science and maths. Now the only lessons taking place are in relaxation and good living, strict teachers have been replaced by sincerely friendly staff, gone are the text books and black boards and instead we have big blowsy vases, Italian leather armchairs and modern art. Only the musty wooden smell of old furniture and polished floors lends a literal whiff of nostalgia.
Fabulously, we must reach our suite via a secret door in the panelling of a large hall, and I can't help but glance up at the minstrel's gallery to ensure no phantom headteacher is watching us slide through.
Under the eaves, ceilings slope tent-like over the bed and wallpaper flocked with flamingos funks up the simple grey and berry colours.
Downstairs, the great and good of Newcastle bray and shriek over dinner, created by Michelin-starred chef Terry Laybourne (who also happens to be the hotel owner). His locally sourced, organic grub is hearty and creative without being too fiddly.
To burn it off, it's worth making use of Michael Pellegrino, the hotel's personal trainer. The 'fitness and lifestyle evaluation' at his nearby studio is enlightening and fun.
Despite its country house appearance, the hotel is five minutes' drive from Newcastle's centre.
It's true what they say: school days are the happiest of your life.
Guardian Unlimited © Guardian Newspapers Limited 2005
