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Play your cards right

A primary school in England has restricted the sending of Christmas cards because of the "tears and tantrums" from some pupils who don't receive many. With all these emotions going on, how should you go about getting your festive greetings out?

Timing is key - there really isn't much point in sending your cards after December 25 unless the recipients are on holiday and you know you can get away with it. Posting them in November will have people asking questions about the state of your private life.

One hardcore Christmas card writer (well, he used to do 250 each year) claims people who give out their greetings during the first week of December are "desperate", because they want to give the recipients time to send cards back.

Apparently, the norm is posting cards during the second week, and if you've left the job to the third week (like I have this year) you're only writing them out of guilt. So if you haven't written them yet, start feeling bad - because that feeling will help you push out a lot of cards.

Once you have a date for sending out your cards, allocate a set amount of time - for example, a night - so the process doesn't take up most of December.

After all, saving time is what the Christmas card is all about ... or was, at least. In the 19th century, Sir Henry Cole observed that people didn't have enough time to write individual Christmas letters to all their friends and family.

His solution was to create a card with a.....continued below

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picture of a family having a very merry drink-sipping Christmas, print 1,000 and sell them for a shilling each. Hence Christmas cards should not be taking up December night after December night - that, after all, is what celebrating and shopping are for. Allocate a bit of time and enjoy some mulled wine and mince pies.

But before you settle down with your vino and pen, decide in advance who you'll send cards to - after drinking a bottle, it can seem a great idea to write to people you're not in contact with any more.

If you write to long-lost acquaintances when drunk, you'll spend the rest of December trying to find their addresses. And having an ex on your doorstep on Christmas Day in response to your "would be great to see you soon" message will not go down well with your partner/parents/children. This is why you must stick to the list.

What about colleagues? "Send cards to everyone in the office or to no one at all," says etiquette expert Rachel Holland, although following that advice could potentially mean writing thousands of cards and suffering RSI.

So how has it come to this? Centuries ago, little dears away at boarding school would write a festive letter to their families. Now, you have to remember to include all your family, friends, old neighbours, current neighbours, the mechanic, the cleaner and anybody else you want to get along with reasonably well next year, or woe betide your social standing.

Then you have to work out what you'll send - should your cards be charitable, recycled, luxury, bargain-basement or home-made? Should they even be cards? Should you ecard or charitably ecard?

Some bah humbug has worked out that sending 50 cards costs £41, including postage. Deciding your budget in advance means you'll know what you can send, and your wallet, rather than your brain - which, after all, is needed to coordinate festivities - can answer the ethical questions. Setting a budget deals with a lot of the dilemmas behind sorting out your season's greetings.

Remember, it's a Christmas card - so Christmas is the theme. One family I know tend to send a card with a summertime picture of their kids on it, but children building sandcastles on a beach just don't cut it next to Rudolph and a nativity scene.

This year, Prince Charles opted for a picture, taken in April, of him and Camilla Parker Bowles watching a Welsh male voice choir. Best of luck to the recipients in working out how that one goes with the festive theme. I'm Welsh, but I wouldn't want a picture of the Prince of Wales and his wife propped up amongst the holy on my mantlepiece. I prefer Gordon Brown's decision to ask a children's illustrator to draw his card.

The people you are sending a card to will want to put it up in their homes among all the decorations. Puritans opposed the first commercially sold Christmas card in Britain because the people it showed were drinking alcohol. Choose an appropriate picture - cards featuring a flashing Santa aren't recommended for families.

When people visit your house and look at your cards, it's not the done thing for them to read the messages. Festive notes are vaguely private because people like to believe they are personalised, so there's nothing worse than your notes sounding like a Christmas album that's stuck on repeat.

And beware bad rhymes - the police have "thoughtfully" sent cards to prolific offenders, with this message chosen by the West Midlands police:

This Christmas we want you to spend timeWith your friends and family rather thanDoing time with us

If you can personalise your greetings, then do. Have five messages at the ready that you'd alternatively use if short of time (and try to avoid lines from carols, although you can use these if you get stuck).

Lots to tell? Then do a round robin, although I'm yet to read one without cringing - especially when somebody writes about a recently-ended relationship, tries to sound neutral but manages to drop in the revelation that the ex had an affair. It's a Christmas card, not a soap opera. Keep it festive.

If writing your cards has done your head in this year, don't think about how all your hard work will be binned in January along with 1bn other Christmas cards in the UK. And that fact leads nicely to the last thing you should do with your Christmas cards - recycle what you receive.

guardian.co.uk © Guardian Newspapers Limited 2008