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Our baby daughter is so demanding
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At what age do babies start teething?
My three-month-old daughter requires constant attention and stimulation, and will cry the minute she is left alone.
She cannot be left in a cot or pram at all, unless in a very deep sleep.
She will only sit in a car seat or child's seat if someone is shaking a rattle or playing music by her side all the time.
If we put her in her cot when she is asleep, within a couple of minutes she will wake up and start crying.
When I say cry, I don't mean a whimper but a build up to screaming within minutes. Her head goes red and the veins bulge.
We have tried leaving her to see if she'll eventually quieten down, but to no avail. After 5-10 minutes it's clear that she will continue screaming.
It is very alarming seeing her in this state, we are concerned she may fit or burst a blood vessel.
As soon as she is picked up or her attention averted she will stop crying and is a normal happy baby.
She had very bad colic for her first two months which appears to have stopped, but we are concerned there may be some other medical condition troubling her.
My wife is exasperated she cannot do anything because she has to spend the whole day with our daughter.
Answer
All babies are different, some will be beautifully docile and lie happily in their cot unattended for hours at a time, observing the mobile hanging from the ceiling, others will behave like your daughter and scream and wriggle if unattended for even a moment.
The fact that she always settles down when you pick her up suggests that there is no medical condition underlying her tantrums and she is merely a wilful child who demands parental attention and insists on getting it.
Some babies are incredibly manipulative from a very early stage in their lives, and this may well reflect her future personality.
Your own parental anxiety, particularly if this is your first child, will undoubtedly contribute to the concern that you feel. This is no bad thing, parents obviously worry about their infant's welfare.
Having said all this, a baby will undoubtedly cry more if they are in any pain or distress from any physical cause.
Does she need her nappy changing, is there an ear infection or her throat sore, is she thirsty, hungry or just tired? Is she too hot or cold?
If any of these apply, a child will certainly seek attention from her parents, although in most instances the crying will be persistent even when the child is picked up.
I suggest you ask your doctor to thoroughly examine your daughter to rule out any physical causes.
If the problem then persists, you can probably be reassured that she is just going through a particularly demanding phase.
Ask your health visitor for some advice on how best to manage the situation and formulate a structured plan to modify her behaviour.
The longer you continue to pick her up as soon as she she cries, the longer she will continue to scream for attention, and you and your wife will continue to feel frazzled and exhausted.
Remember, too, that screaming and shouting is one of the few ways babies can express themselves, and there is a school of thought that believes babies need to have a good scream now and again. This is not always easy for the parents though!
Finally, do accept any offered help, and don't be reticent about asking for help from trusted friends or family to give you a break.
This will pass as your daughter grows and develops.
Yours sincerely
The Medical Team
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