Is my lack of orgasm due to stress and poor technique?

She has problems reaching orgasm

Would a local anaesthetic cream delay my boyfriend's orgasm?

Question
I have failed to reach orgasm. I've been with my boyfriend for three years now. We started our relationship when we were both virgins.

However, I never had an orgasm and I assumed it was just technique and stress of it being the first time. Well it carried on and to this day I have never had an orgasm (during intercourse or when having foreplay).

We have tried everything-from taking things slow, to trying it in new places, different positions, stopping and starting and even toys (but these just made me more stressed and uptight).

I have tried to relax and enjoy, but now it has got to the stage where I don't want it at all. I start feeling on edge every time I think he wants sex.

I can't even have foreplay because I've built some kind of barrier against anything to do with sex.

What should I do? I feel embarrassed about going to a doctor as I feel it isn't a doctor problem.

Answer
David writes:

Well, despite that, the best person to give you immediate advice would be a woman doctor, and there are good ones at your local Family Planning Clinics.

Many FP medics have had special training in helping women to reach orgasm. I'm sure you will get there, especially as you're only 20. Many women of your age haven't 'got there' yet.

Let's see if Christine wants to add anything ...

Christine adds:

Yes. Take a look at the following information on the site:

Have a read of these and I think they will both help and reassure you. You might also like to read the one on 'Masturbation techniques for women' because my feeling is that you can learn a lot about your own responses that way.

I feel that if you can learn to masturbate gradually, by having private and unhurried sex sessions on your own, then you will kind of uncover your sexual response. Gradually, you will come to enjoy what's happening to your body and you will have pleasant and helpful thoughts while it is happening.

When orgasming becomes routine in your own hands, as it were, then it would be a good idea to masturbate in front of your partner, so he can watch how a climax works for you. After that, you should be much more confident with your partner, and hopefully, you can allow him to touch and caress you in the way you've learned you want to be touched, and together you will be able to help you climax.

Yours sincerely

Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, sex and relationships expert

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