Can I convince her that I am not a pervert?

Her man seems to prefer 'Internet' sex

My boyfriend has an online porn habit

My partner is a transvestite

Question

My girlfriend thinks that I am a pervert, because I sometimes look at girlie magazines. However, I don't think that I am.

She believes that I have no respect for women, and that I must have a problem, and that I want to degrade women.

I looked more out of curiosity and 'interest', rather than with any sick or perverted thoughts. Can you suggest how I could convince her that I am not a pervert?

Answer

David writes:

I reckon it's important that you should understand that these days a lot of women are upset when they find their partners looking at nude magazines.

On the other hand, so-called 'girlie' publications mow sell well over half a million copies a month in Britain. You could try pointing out to your partner that this vast number of men can't all be perverts.

Incidentally, I'm assuming that what you were looking at was straightforward nude photography. There is, however, a minority of pornography which involves cruelty and violence towards women. If that's what you were reading, then I think your girlfriend does have cause for concern.

Christine adds:

I have a rather more liberal view on this subject than some of my colleagues, but basically, I believe that women nowadays should accept that virtually all younger men take a look at girlie magazines, or porn on the Internet, from time to time.

I now class this as entirely normal. I also think most women should accept that guys - even in the happiest of relationships – will sometimes fancy masturbating. This is no reflection on their partners: it's usually just a desire for quick, uncomplicated sexual relief.

Often, masturbation and girlie magazines go hand in hand, you might say!

But, as David says, it is not normal to look at gross, violent porn. And it is certainly not normal when guys – and I'm sure you don't fall into this category – prefer porn to a warm, willing woman in their own bed. You sound entirely normal to me, and I hope this email reassures both you and your partner.

Best wishes.

Yours sincerely

Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, sex and relationships expert

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