He doesn't love me, and just wants 'fun'

He did all the chasing and now says he's better off single

My husband seems to be 'married' to his job

Why has my partner suddenly gone off our planned marriage and left me?

Question
I have been in a relationship with a guy for three months. I know that my boyfriend does not love me, even though he says he does.

I thought that things were going well until two weeks ago when my boyfriend told me that he just wanted to be friends. He thought that the relationship was too serious. This hurt me very badly as I love this boy with all my heart.

You might think this is just teen love and I will get over it but I know it's not. I have always cheated on past lovers and I would never think about doing this to my present partner.

We managed to talk things though and work out the problems that he was having and we got back together the same day. But since this time we have not been the same. I saw him yesterday and he just asked me if I minded if we just had a 'fun' relationship.

I don't know any more if he just wants me for sex or he just wants to slow things down. I can't ask him as I just end up crying, and I can't bear to see the look on his face when I cry.

Answer
David writes:

Well, you are just 15 years old and seeing a guy who apparently doesn't love you, who just 'wants to be friends'.

Do you really think this relationship will be going strong in 10 years' time, when you are 25? That doesn't seem awfully likely to me.

My advice to you is to leave boys alone for a little while, and just take things gently. Life will be a lot more peaceful that way !

Girls of 15 who have a reputation for being 'easy' usually have issues with self-esteem.

Let's see what Christine says about that.

Christine adds:

I do agree that this needs looking at.

Love and sex are very special things, but you are giving them away too cheap. This makes you look cheap – even though you're not – and it also makes you appear not to care for yourself. And for as long as that goes on, you'll find that no one else will care for you either – because you're giving out signs and signals that show you don't mind how badly you are being treated.

My best suggestion is that you get some counselling from the Brook Advisory Service For Young People. Ring their helpline on 08000 185023 and see what they can suggest for you.

I also urge you to do our . As David rightly says, you need to make improvements here and finding out the scale of your lack of self-esteem will help you to start remedying this.

But do, please, ring Brook as well. Frankly, I don't think you can sort out this sorry situation entirely on your own.

Good luck.

Yours sincerely

Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, sex and relationships expert

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