I'm worried about having sex for the first time

First-time sex

Scared about losing his virginity

Question

My boyfriend and Ihave been thinking about having sex. It will be my first time and I'm worried that I won't do everything right.

I really want to, but I am also afraid that it will hurt and I will bleed.

What can I do to put my mind at ease?

Answer

David writes:

You don't tell us your age, which is important. However, if you're not sure about going ahead then I urge you not to have sex for the time being.

You clearly need some face-to-face advice about having sex for the first time. If you're under 25, you can get such advice from a Brook Advisory Centre for Young People: ring their helpline (087000 185023) to find out about your nearest branch.

Alternatively, go to the family planning clinic in your home town. The female doctors there will be pleased to see you, and will put you at your ease. Good luck.

Christine adds:

I can't help wondering if you're really quite young. And I would just like to say that there is no hurry. Plenty of people wish that they had hung on to their virginity a bit longer: you can't give it away twice, so be sure you really want to have sex.

Many women have the sort of thoughts that you're having about wanting to do 'everything right'. And they also worry about bleeding. But if you think about it, why should anyone having sex for the first time know what to do or how to do it? That would be pretty boring, in a way! After all, you've got a whole lifetime to practise and improve!

As for the slight bleeding and the question of pain, many girls find that their hymen has already been broken, or partially broken, because of active sports and/or the wearing of tampons.

The vast majority of females have hardly any bother at all the first time they have sex. All they feel the first time - if they feel anything at all - is a slight twanging feeling. It's a bit like an elastic band being stretched and broken inside you. It is certainly not terrible.

But it helps if your man takes his time and gets you really excited first. And many women like to use some lubrication, like K-Y Jelly or Wet or Sylk, to give nature a little helping hand. You see, when you're very moist, there's less chance of sex being uncomfortable in any way.

Good luck!

Yours sincerely

Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, sex and relationships expert

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