How do I deal with a break-up?

I have tried to ask her about why she is suddenly not unhappy, but her reply is always 'I'm just not happy'. When we talk about going out platonically, she will not commit to a date as she 'doesn't know what she's doing yet', and when I push her she says she doesn't want to discuss the situation.

I am finding this very hard to accept as I love her very much and do not want to lose her.

The hardest thing is that we work together and she keeps telling me that I'm making it hard for her. My head is in a mess and this situation is ruling my life.

Answer

David writes:

Well, I'm sorry - but this woman is telling you in the clearest possible terms that this relationship is over. You need to accept this, and get on with the rest of your life. I think it would be a good idea to start thinking ahead to future relationships.

Christine adds:

I'm afraid that I agree with David about the state of your relationship.

At the moment, all the signs and signals point to the fact that it has ended. I'm sorry. I am not sure, frankly, that she even really wants to be friends. She certainly isn't keen to go out and chat over your relationship. And it may be that if the relationship is completely over, being friends will not help either of you. The other thing is that you work together.

Again, this is a bad idea if you are to make the break.

I personally feel that you need to take her at her word, and make a clean break. This means you need to stop working together and to stop being friends too.

There is just a chance that if you do that, she will realise she does really love and miss you. But if she doesn't then at least you'll have put some real distance between the two of you, which will help you draw a line under that relationship.

You'll also stop torturing yourself, which is bound to happen while you still see each other. And it will pave the way for forging new relationships when you've got over this one.

On this site, there's an article I wrote called 'How to get over being dumped'. It was originally written for women, but many men have told me that it has helped them. Why not take a look at it?

Yours sincerely

Dr David Delvin, GP and Christine Webber, sex and relationships expert

<<Back



The documents contained in this web site are presented for information purposes only. The material is in no way intended to replace professional medical care or attention by a qualified practitioner. The materials in this web site cannot and should not be used as a basis for diagnosis or choice of treatment. Conditions for use



© Copyright 1998 - 2004 NetDoctor.co.uk - All rights reserved