He did all the chasing and now says he's better off single

He doesn't love me, and just wants 'fun'

My husband seems to be 'married' to his job

Why has my partner suddenly gone off our planned marriage and left me?

Question

I have just started seeing a new man. He did all the chasing and calls me constantly – I like it.

Last night he told me he was probably better off single as it is too soon after the end of his previous long-term serious relationship. So why did he ask me out and make me have feelings for him?

He then went on to say that he can't stop thinking about me and when he's not with me, wishes he were.

I'm feeling confused and angry at him, despite this being the first month of our relationship, we have a lot in common and I know I'm starting to fall for him. But this worries me – will I just get hurt if I continue to see him?

Answer

David writes:

Very possibly. Look, I'm afraid that this is often the way fellas are. They chase a girl, pay her lots of compliments - and then announce that they're 'better off single'. Try to realise that the same thing happens every day, all over Britain. Lets get a female point of view from Christine.

Christine writes:

Two things:

Really, it's going to take time to find out which of these is the truth - and I don't know if you're prepared to give it time.

You could suggest to him that he gets some counselling from Relate.

Talking to an experienced professional face-to-face may help him to sort out his feelings. But in the meantime, I think you should assure him of your interest, but then not sit around and wait for him. Get yourself out with girlfriends and do plenty of things with your leisure time.

He is likely to respond more positively if he feels you are not clinging to him. And if he can't sort himself out, you'll find you're having such a good time that you won't be that bothered.

Just remember, you are a worthwhile and loving person - and if this guy can't commit to you, there should be plenty who will.

Good luck.

Yours sincerely

Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, sex and relationships expert

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