He thinks my vagina is 'too big' for him

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Question
My boyfriend says he doesn't get any satisfaction from having intercourse with me.

He says my vagina is too big. His penis is of average size. Until I met him, I didn't think I was that big.

I'm hurt by what he has said. Are any positions we could try or any exercises I could do to help our problem? Although we love each other dearly this could become a major difficulty in the future, I feel. He also thinks the problem isn't helped by me becoming so moist during oral sex.

I am starting to feel slightly abnormal.

Answer
David writes:

Well, of course you are hurt and upset. But bear in mind the possibility that it might be your boyfriend who is a little on the small side!

It's common for women who've had children to develop 'loose vagina syndrome'. But I see from your personal details that you've only had one baby, so really your vagina shouldn't be all that slack.

Pelvic exercises might well help you, but first of all, I'd like you to go and get a vaginal examination done by a women doctor who is used to sorting out this particular problem.

You can find one through your local Family Planning Clinic (you'll be able to find your nearest clinic in your phone book). She will be able to tell you if your vagina is OK, and also will be able to teach you any necessary exercises.

Cheer up: from what you say, I wouldn't regard you as 'abnormal' in any way at all!

Christine adds:

Have a look at our article called 'Is your vagina too big - or too small?' I think it may help you.

I'd also just like to pick up on the fact that your man ' thinks the problem isn't helped by me becoming so moist during oral sex'.

That sounds a warning bell in my head - and it doesn't suggest to me that there's anything wrong with you at all. Quite the reverse. What it suggests is that your man is a bit squeamish - and maybe not very comfortable with a woman who is very turned on by sex.

Most straight guys would adore a woman whose juices flowed copiously during oral sex. But some men aren't as comfortable with cunnilingus as they make out, and they're a bit put off by a woman who is sexy, juicy and enthusiastic.

If this is the case with your bloke, I have to say that you'll probably come to the conclusion that he's got the problem - not you.

Please do as David says and see a Family Planning doctor. Tell her what you've told us. If you have got a problem of slackness after having a baby she'll be able to tell you what the options are when it comes to dealing with that.

But it's highly likely she'll say that you seem fine to her - and then you'll have to decide what you're going to do about your relationship and about a partner who can't seem to cope very well with a hot-blooded woman.

Good luck!

Yours sincerely

Dr David Delvin, GP and Christine Webber, sex and relationships expert

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