How can I let her down gently?

Question
I have been in my current relationship for five years now and just a few weeks ago I slept with another woman.

Now the other woman wants more than just sex but I am only interested in my current partner, I just needed sex as it is not a regular occurrence with my girlfriend. How do I let the other woman down gently and prevent her from becoming obsessed?

Answer
There are two things going on here. You say that you don't have sex on a regular basis with your girlfriend. Unless you are living at opposite ends of the country, this doesn't sound very healthy.

The one-night stand has shown you that you care for your current partner, so now perhaps you should do something about the sexual side of the relationship.

I strongly urge you to talk to her about the lack of sex - but not tell her about the one-night stand unless you might have picked up any disease from the encounter - and to try to sort things out. A visit to Relate would probably help you both.

As to the other woman, I think you should tell her the truth. Tell her that you felt muddled about your relationship, and felt you wanted to get some comfort elsewhere, but that you've realised you truly love your partner.

You might also assure her that she is a wonderful person and very attractive - but don't say that if your relationship didn't work out you'd like to come back to her, as this will give her false messages.

So, tell her what I've suggested and send some flowers saying 'Sorry', and then put some distance between you. Change your phone number or email address if necessary.

It's unlikely that she'll pursue you after you've told the truth. That kind of 'Fatal Attraction' situation, thankfully, doesn't happen in real life very often!

Best wishes.

Yours sincerely

Christine Webber, Sex and Relationships Expert

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