Potty training problems

Potty training problem

Question

I am having problems potty training my three-year-old son.

On the whole, he is managing 'wees' – although he does need reminding. He often seems to be very engrossed in playing, etc. and forgets to go to the toilet.

'Poos' however, are a completely different story. It is as if he doesn't realise when he needs to go. He goes at least once a day and sometimes as many as three times.

I have spoken to my health visitor and our GP but they have never been very helpful.

Now a friend has suggested he has 'lazy bowel' – something her son had when is was three to four years old. What is this? How do I find out if my son has it and, most importantly, what can I do to help him?

Answer

Although many children are successfully toilet trained at the age of two, you are certainly not the only parent whose child is still not fully trained at three.

The fact that your son is using the potty fairly regularly when he needs a wee is a promising first step, so I really wouldn't be too worried that he doesn't seem to be ready to use the potty when he needs to open his bowels.

The most important thing is not to pressurise him and make him feel anxious or defiant over potty training – if you do, the whole process will become a lot more difficult and fraught for you both.

I would concentrate on giving him positive encouragement to use the potty as often as possible. He is most likely to open his bowels after a meal so why not try getting him to sit on the potty for a few minutes after he's eaten?

If he's reluctant to do so offer him some kind of reward: reading some of a favourite book to him, or watching a bit of a video that he likes, while he sits on the potty.

If he manages to produce anything at all give him lots of attention and praise. If he doesn't, don't get cross, just put the potty away and say you'll try again after the next meal.

If he refuses to sit on the potty at all, just say what a shame it is that you can't read him the story (or let him watch the video etc) and turn your attention elsewhere.

The 'lazy bowel' that your friend has mentioned probably refers to a child who had constipation.

This can make it difficult, even painful, for a child to open their bowels and in some toddlers this will result in refusal to use the potty because they associate trying to open their bowels with pain.

You say that your son does one or more 'poos' every day and if the motions are soft and normally formed (rather than passing hard, pellet-like stools, a little liquid motion, or simply staining his nappy) then he cannot be constipated.

I'm sure if you can be patient, positive and encouraging your son will be fully potty trained before too long.

Best of luck with it!

Yours sincerely

The Medical Team

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