Is my man too young for me?

Question

I am 33 and my partner is almost 25. We would like to start a family; do you think the age gap is too big?

He is a very young looking 24 and sometimes people think he is my son! This upsets him greatly. I have a 10-year-old from a previous marriage who lives with his dad.

Answer

There are plenty of very successful relationships where the age gap is greater than that between you and your man. Bigger age differences are still more common when the man is older, but there are now plenty of women, like you, who have attracted a younger lover.

I think what you may really be asking me is whether your relationship will last if you have a baby. Unfortunately, no one can give you a cast-iron 'yes' for an answer. But no one could give you this even if you were both exactly the same age!

I'm not sure how long you've been together - and I feel this should be a consideration. Personally, I don't think it would be a good idea to start a family until you've been an item for at least 18 months - simply because I think most people's relationships benefit from time for the partners alone before they have to accommodate the upheaval of a baby.

I would also urge you to ensure that your man is really keen to have a baby - and not just going along with the idea to please you. He is young to shoulder the responsibilities of fatherhood. But then you may find that he is a 'natural' and a really great parent.

I suppose one concern I have is that you may be seeking to 'replace' the child who no longer lives with you - and also that your boyfriend may be a bit put out by how much of your time a baby will take up. But if you think that the relationship is great, and you love each other, and you both really positively want a baby, then I can't see any reason why you shouldn't have one.

Good luck.

Yours sincerely

Christine Webber, Sex and Relationships Expert

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