Empty-nest syndrome

They went cruising to exotic places, but discovered they had very different views on how to spend the daytime hours.

She wanted to visit ancient sites and ruins; he wanted to read and sip gin and tonics by the pool.

Evenings were no better. They sat opposite each other over exquisite candle-lit dinners every night and could think of nothing to discuss.

It's not just emotions and relationships

This can also be a time of fresh beginnings in terms of employment.

If you've only ever done poorly paid part-time jobs while the children were at home, now you've got a chance to have a fresh start.

You might like to consider further education or training. The government has excellent information on adult learning on its directgov.uk website that will give you some good ideas.

This is a very challenging time for you. Nothing will ever be the same again. But just because everything's different, doesn't mean it can't be as good.

Many women enjoy the second half of their lives hugely - and end up doing all sorts of things they would never have dreamed of when they saw themselves as 'just a mum'.

How can you help if you're the young person leaving home?

If you're a teenager who has left home - or is about to go - and you know your mum is really suffering, what can you do?

First of all get her to look at this article. Secondly, if she's very upset, get her to talk things over with a close girlfriend or go to a doctor.

But after that, don't make the mistake of trying to curtail your activities to please her.

Your development depends on you finding your adult feet, and in going off to learn new things, do new jobs and make new friends and relationships. That's the way of the world.

The empty-nest syndrome is actually your mum's problem - not yours.

Of course you'll want to be sympathetic and kind to her. After all, she does love you very much: she wouldn't have empty-nest syndrome if she didn't.

But don't allow yourself to be pressurised into coming home more often than you want, or can afford. And don't fall into the trap of having to call her every day.

Arrange with her when you will phone her and stick to that. Please be fair about this and remember to call when she is expecting you to.

An extra email or text message on top of that will probably help to cheer her up. But don't do so many that she comes to expect them. They should be a pleasant surprise for her - and a pleasure for you to do, not a duty.

Don't forget, this is a time when you're forging your independence. She's got to do the same.

Further information

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