Transvestites and cross-dressing

Written by Christine Webber, psychotherapist and Dr David Delivin, GP

Dealing with guilt

Transvestites can be very calm and happy about their cross-dressing, especially if they belong to a good support group, have an interesting social life as their female persona, and have friends or family who accept their need to cross-dress.

We have recently found that the vast majority of guys like this never even think about having therapy, because they find their lives fine as they are.

However, men who feel overloaded with guilt should always seek counselling. They will invariably feel much better for talking over the situation with someone who is non-judgmental.

How to cross-dress

If you want to cross-dress in public you should be convincing. Many people cannot, or will not, understand why a man should want to dress as a woman, so it's important that men who do this make as good a job of it as possible.

Unfortunately, many guys who cross-dress fail to look very like a real woman. As a result, people snigger when they see them and sometimes act in a very hostile way. Sadly, cross-dressing can provoke violence from stupid and aggressive males.

Learning the art of dressing as a woman can make life much easier for a transvestite.

Support groups can provide advice on choosing the right clothes and make-up, but start by keeping things simple.

Avoid high heels, especially with sling-backs, until you have mastered walking in women's footwear. And avoid glittery cocktail dresses until you have practised moving, standing and sitting as a woman.

Some shops specialise in supplying women's clothing and shoes in men's sizes and in helping men to perfect their female look. Many sell a good range of wigs.

As a general rule, shop in a place that is liberal and accepting of different lifestyles. Clearly, if you live in a small town, you will excite comment if you shop for yourself in the local women's shoe or dress shop.

The law

Cross-dressing is not an offence in the UK, even under the recent Sexual Offences Act of 2003, which contains a seemingly inexhaustible list of sexual misdemeanours.

Nor is it illegal in most other western countries – though you could run into serious problems in many developing nations.

Twenty five years ago it was quite common for the British police to arrest a man who dared to go out in a dress.

It is now generally accepted that if a man encounters the police while dressed as a woman, he is as entitled as any other law-abiding citizen to courtesy and consideration.

Support groups

For transvestites

The Beaumont Society is an organisation for transvestites, their partners, transgender people and those who have gender dysphoria. If you call 01582 412220 a recorded announcement will direct you to regional centres around the country. You can also visit www.beaumontsociety.org.uk or call their helpline on 07000 287878 between 1900 and 2300 on Tuesday and Thursday evenings.

Transliving International (TLI) is another organisation for adults affected by issues concerning gender identity and cross-dressing. Visit www.transliving.co.uk or call 01268 583761.

Transformation sells lingerie, shoes and clothes for cross-dressing. You can buy online at www.transformation.co.uk and they also have shops in London, Birmingham and Manchester.

For counselling

Relate offer face-to-face counselling at branches up and down the country. They also offer email counselling, online counselling and phone counselling. For more details, visit their website or call 0845 130 4016 to make an appointment.

British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy can help you find a therapist through their website. Or you can contact them by phone on 0870 443 5252.

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