How to get over being dumped

Written by Christine Webber, psychotherapist and lifecoach

R is for RE-ORGANISING

Unfortunately, when you have been half of a couple for a while, many of your friends will be other couples who knew you and your ex.

Sadly, some of these people are probably avoiding you like the plague now, fearful, in some cranky way, that having you around will make their own relationship more vulnerable.

But even if you keep plenty of old friends, this is a time when you need a whole new circle of mates of both genders.

N is for NO SEX WITH YOUR EX!

Often when you have been apart for several months, your ex may suddenly decide that the grass was not greener outside the relationship after all.

Or perhaps he or she will sense that you are getting your life in order and may feel jealous that you are now in a position to find someone else. Maybe he or she will just fancy a quick snog for old time's sake.

The trouble is that sex and closeness might make you feel loved and wanted temporarily, but it will leave you with more sorrow and confusion afterwards.

So do not do it. If your ex begs to come back and try again, then you can make a decision at some later date about whether or not you will give it a go, but never have sex before this point.

Anyway, the chances are that with all the suffering you have gone through and all the work you have done on yourself to get your act together your ex-partner will be the very last person you want to be with!

Therapy

Finally, for many people, losing a partner feels so painful because it echoes feelings of unworthiness or of uncertainty about love from their childhood. If this is happening to you, then you are dealing with two lots of pain and difficulty:

the end of your relationship

all that baggage from earlier times.

This is not easy. Frequently, your current unhappiness brings back unwanted memories of when a much loved grandparent died, or when your parents got divorced.

Being dumped may also deeply offend what you believe should happen to you – and these thoughts may stop you recovering.

At times like this, therapy can be a very good thing. So if your recovery seems to be taking ages, you might want to consider getting some sort of counseling/therapy to help you.

Further reading

'How to mend a broken heart' by Christine Webber, published by Hodder and Stoughton.

'Get a single life' by Liz Simpson, published by Hodder and Stoughton.

'Loving yourself, loving another' by Julia Cole, published by Vermilion.

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