Masturbation

Written by Dr David Delvin, GP and family planning specialist and Christine Webber, psychotherapist and lifecoach

The use of female masturbation in achieving orgasm

As we have already mentioned, the female orgasm in not as reliable or as automatic as the male orgasm generally is. For that reason many women consult psychosexual specialists, family planning doctors and so on in the hope that they can be helped to achieve the elusive 'Big O'.

Nowadays most experts agree that if a woman can reach orgasm through her own efforts, she can then learn to climax with a partner either during love play or intercourse. Learning to climax through masturbation gives a woman confidence and satisfaction - and also educates her about how she likes to be touched and stimulated. Once she knows these things, she can communicate them to a loving partner.

Some females have a real problem in touching their genitals. This is usually because they had restrictive upbringings where they were taught that 'nice girls don't touch themselves there'. Or that 'sex is for beasts'. Or that 'sex is dirty'.

However, if a woman is prepared to give time and effort to learning about her own body, she can often overcome these unhelpful beliefs.

If you are a woman who has trouble in reaching orgasm - even through masturbation - you might like to follow the advice given below.

How to achieve orgasm through masturbation - even if you've never managed it before

Allocate some time - at least an hour, twice a week - when you know you'll have the house to yourself and can guarantee being undisturbed. (Arranging this can be the hardest part of the exercise!)

Take a leisurely bath, using your favourite bath oil. Relax. Enjoy soaping your whole body. Give your breasts and your genitals plenty of attention.

Dry yourself with love and care and continue to explore your body as you do so.

Move to the bedroom. Make sure it's warm and that it looks nice and is a pleasant place to be. Put some favourite music on if you'd like. Lie on the bed and carry on touching yourself, anyhow and any place that you like. All sorts of parts of your body might give you pleasant feelings. Find them! Give them attention. Be aware of pleasure.

Rub baby oil into your breasts and into your neck and throat. Enjoy the feeling.

Gradually allow you hands to travel lower in your body. Caress your abdomen, and then use some more baby oil and touch yourself between your legs. There is no wrong or right way of doing this. Just let your instinct take over.

Slip your fingers into your vagina. Try tightening your muscles round your fingers. Then relax. Try gently stretching the vaginal opening - this is something that gives exquisite pleasure to many women.

Start circling the area where your clitoris is. Don't hurry this. As you become more focused on your genitals, you may well find that you start applying more and more pressure to your clitoris, and that your breathing is quickening, and - best of all - that you're really enjoying yourself.

Don't worry if you don't get any further than this on the first few occasions. So long as you feel that you are loving your body and appreciating it and experiencing some good sensations, then that's fine.

Don't forget that the most powerful part of a woman's arousal equipment is in her mind. So it can be helpful to introduce some mental stimulation into the exercise. Try thinking of things that turn you on. Or, while you're stimulating yourself, read from one of those erotic novels written for women. You might even like to try caressing yourself while viewing a sexy video - if you have a video recorder in your bedroom or somewhere else in the house where you can feel uninhibited and comfortable. One of Betty Dodson's famous videos on assisting women to reach orgasm through masturbation may help.

You may like to use a vibrator - as many women find this increases their arousal quite magically. If you don't know where to get good books, videos or sex aids, see the Further information section.

Each time you start caressing your body, try to keep going for longer and to increase your delight in what you're finding out about yourself. Don't panic if you still sometimes have feelings that what you're doing is wrong. Just breathe deeply and tell yourself that it is every woman's right to love and enjoy her own body - and that masturbation is healthy and good and normal.

One day you will find that your caresses become more insistent and that you are breathing heavier and that you feel a desperate urge to carry on what you're doing. It's common to feel a bit frightened at the intensity of what's happening if you've never felt it before, but go with the feelings. You deserve to have them. If rubbing your clitoris alone doesn't quite get you to your climax, try putting one or two fingers of your other hand into your vagina. Or use a vibrator in your vagina or on your clitoris. Your instinct should take over and tell you what to do.

Hopefully these powerful feelings will lead to your first orgasm. And once you've had one - you'll find you can have others - maybe even on the same day!

Most women like to practise having orgasms a few times on their own before involving a partner, but once you do choose to try with the person you care for, make sure you incorporate what you've been doing into your love play. Show your partner what you like and let him or her help you to experience this great joy.

If you follow this plan, without putting pressure on yourself to succeed you will become more sexually aware, and it shouldn't be too long before you join the ranks of the orgasmic. Good Luck.

Further information

For women who have not yet managed to experience orgasm, there is more advice and help for you in our article: 'Are you having trouble reaching orgasm? A guide for women'.

If you have other specific sexual problems - including emotional ones - and you want to get some professional help, please refer to our fact sheet 'Who to contact for sex therapy'.

If you have problems with sex addiction - including dependence on porn - contact Sex Addicts Anonymous: 020 8946 2436.

For supplies of videos, erotic/sex education books, lubricants, sex aids, etc there are now several reliable and helpful companies run by women, for women (and their partners). They include:

Passion 8. Now an extensive mail order business, run very efficiently by its ebullient boss, Stephanie. Check out their website on: www.passion8shop.com.

Sh! This is a shop in North London, for women. It is also open to any man, so long as he's accompanied by a responsible woman! It's also a mail order business.Call for more details on: 020 7613 5458. Their website is www.sh-womenstore.com.

Tickled. A very jolly shop in Brighton's famous 'Lanes' district. Men may enter the top floor unaccompanied, but the lower floor is for females (and accompanied males) only. Telephone: 01273 628725. Website:www.tickledonline.com.

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