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Delayed ejaculation (retarded ejaculation)
Written by Dr David Delvin, GP and family planning specialist
What is delayed or retarded ejaculation?
The terms 'delayed ejaculation' (DE) and 'retarded ejaculation' (RE) mean the inability of a man to reach a climax.
Most sex therapists now prefer to say delayed or retarded ejaculation.
To add to the confusion, you may find it referred to by other names such as:
How common is delayed ejaculation?
Delayed ejaculation is not easy to treat: only 58 per cent of cases I've seen were significantly improved by treatment.
All of the successful couples were well-motivated and willing to persevere with long-term therapy.
Because this disorder is not as common as the other two main male sexual problems, there is remarkably little medical literature on this subject.
Exceptions are the pioneering works of Masters and Johnson, and of Helen Kaplan and her associates in the USA.
What causes delayed ejaculation?
Some have terrific drive and detachment, and have risen to the top of their professions. A surprising number have been in the finance industry.
Some of them readily admit to having quite controlling personalities. Very often this is directed inward rather than at other people.
They may have difficulty in showing emotions and in 'letting go'.
Other possible factors include:
Is delayed ejaculation always a psychological problem?
They have good erections, but do not always get to orgasm.
This phenomenon was first noted by US researchers Masters and Johnson.
It is not the same thing as delayed ejaculation, which occurs in a much younger age group.
Why does delayed ejaculation cause problems?
When you first have sex, you may be very popular because you can keep going for two or three hours.
But when you get into a regular relationship, especially if you hope to have children, delayed ejaculation can be a major problem.
Both the man and woman may become sore and frustrated, and the female partner often feels resentful or even insulted that her man does not ejaculate when they make love.
Not surprisingly, it is common for men with this problem to have had several broken relationships – because their partners have decided that they want somebody who can 'come'.
Sometimes the man seeks help after a divorce. More commonly, a couple may ask for treatment when they are desperate to have a baby.
What can be done for men with delayed or retarded ejaculation?
But there is a good chance of putting things right through counselling, provided both the man and his partner really want to cure the problem.
The most common method is based on the work of American experts who have developed behaviourist ways of helping the man to relax and 'let go' when he is with his partner.
Generally, the man can reach orgasm by self-masturbation and maybe through love play, but not through intercourse.
So the therapist may encourage the couple to gradually proceed to a situation where the man can ejaculate just outside his partner's vagina, and eventually go on from there to a more 'advanced' situation where he is able to cope with ejaculating inside her.
American sex experts Masters and Johnson have also devised a slightly different therapy:
Other treatments
If you search the internet, you will find claims for Chinese herbal treatment that produces a near 100 per cent success rate. This does not seem very likely.
Claims are also made for yoga and for hypnotherapy as modes of treatment.
It is the third most common male sexual disorder after impotence (erectile dysfunction) and premature ejaculation.
Many of the men tend to have had a strict upbringing and are very controlled in their lives.
Nearly always, but there are exceptions.
In your youth, you may not feel you have a problem and may well assume that other men are the same.
Unfortunately, there is no instant cure. At present, there are no drugs that will make a man come.
Beware of people who want to give you expensive hormones, or who try to relieve you of very large sums of money.
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