What is masturbation?
To masturbate means to stimulate yourself in a sexual way. This can be done by hand, or with sex aids - some highly-sexed women can even do it by rubbing their thighs together. Such stimulation often leads to orgasm.

Most men have masturbated, often beginning at a fairly young age.

However, many women find it more difficult than men to achieve an orgasm through sexual stimulation.

For some reason, masturbation is not as common among young girls and women as it is among men. Female sexuality may well have evolved differently and it could be said that access to the genitals - the clitoris, the labia and the vagina - is not as obvious in women as it is in men.

Even so, many young women nowadays will have enjoyed masturbation prior to experiencing love play or intercourse with a partner.

The pleasure derived from masturbation differs from woman to woman. It may be that she reaches an orgasm immediately or she may simply enjoy warm, pleasant sexual feelings that stop short of a climax. In some cases, the experience can be very different from her expectations.

Nevertheless, these days people talk about sex and orgasms as if they were a natural part of everybody's life. If they aren't a regular part of yours, you could end up feeling a bit left out. Don't! Remember that you're entitled to make your own decisions about your own sexuality.

It is important for you to develop your sexual emotions, your sexual life and your ability to have an orgasm at your own speed. It is not usually a matter of urgency.

However, if you are curious, or impatient to experience an orgasm, you might have to do something about it yourself. Sex - especially an orgasm - is not just something your partner can give you while you passively wait for it to happen. You have to do some of the work yourself.

What's the best way for women to have an orgasm?

If you don't know exactly what it is you like or what it takes for you to reach orgasm, it's a good idea to practice on your own. For some people the very idea of stimulating themselves can seem so forbidding, they don't even try. But masturbation, like most things, takes practice. And the only way to learn about your own sexual response is by touching your own body.

First, make sure you're alone and won't be interrupted: you need to take your time. Begin by taking a shower, or a long, luxurious, scented bath. Soap yourself up. Touch your breasts and your genitals.

Dry yourself carefully, then rub your favourite lotion all over your body. Keep touching your body everywhere - it might be a good idea to stand in front of a mirror while you do it. Get used to the way your body looks and feels.

At this point, as long as you know that you're in no danger of being disturbed, move to your bedroom. Make sure that it is warm and comfortable. Put on some relaxing music if you like. And just enjoy yourself.

Lie down on your bed and use a mirror to look at your private and intimate places. Gently spread your labia: you may want to use a spot of lubrication like Astroglide or K-Y Jelly or even just saliva.

Try to tighten and relax the muscles at the base of the pelvis. The feeling should be the same as the sensation you get when you need to urinate, or when you try to stop urinating.

If you find it difficult to know whether you're doing this successfully, try inserting a couple of fingers inside your vagina. That way, you'll be able to feel whether you're tightening and relaxing the muscles or not. At the same time, you'll experience the pleasure of putting something in the place where you'll eventually have sexual intercourse. In other words, you're getting used to your body and its normal functions.

If you now tighten and relax the muscles in rapid succession you will feel contractions of the kind that many women experience when having an orgasm.

You might also notice a warm sensation in your abdomen. Try touching yourself all over your body, including the breasts and your genitals where you will quickly find the most sensitive spots. In particular, experiment near the opening of the vagina and clitoris and stimulate yourself in whatever way feels best.

You might also like to try feeling inside the vagina; between the thighs; or in the area in front of the clitoris - whichever you prefer.

Try to familiarise yourself with exactly how touching yourself makes you feel. Ignore everything around you. Just think about what is going on inside you, or something else of a sexual nature.

While you touch yourself, you might like to look at something that turns you on - pictures, perhaps, a film; even a sexy book.

If, as is likely, your sexual tension rises, keep going. Don't stop even if you experience a sudden block. Carry on, and at the same time, flex the muscles in your stomach and pelvis. This often enables you to continue and perhaps you will eventually experience what is known as an orgasm.

You may not get quite as far as you'd like to the first couple of times. Stop if you don't feel like going on, then try again later, or some other day.

For some women it is not enough to just use their fingers - they like to use sex aids as well. A vibrator may be useful, or you could try stimulating yourself with the hand spray when you are in the shower. Use your fingers at the same time.

Your first experiences with masturbation and orgasm will probably be better if you have them alone. Not that there is anything wrong or embarrassing about masturbating while your partner is watching. But the first few times, it's important for you to go at exactly your own pace without any kind of pressure to succeed.

If they follow the guidelines above, almost everyone should be able to learn to masturbate and have an orgasm. But remember, they are only guidelines. Experiment, and you may well find a better way to turn yourself on.

You have to be prepared to let your partner know exactly what it is you enjoy in your sex life. Even though he or she might have had several previous relationships, you are unique. So when it comes to you, your partner is a beginner.

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