Should I stay with my child in hospital?
There is a one in two chance that your child will have to stay in hospital at some stage. You can help your child during the stay simply by being there. Make sure your child feels they're not alone: mum, dad or a close friend or relative should be with them.

In recent years health-care professionals and parents have come to understand that a child's life really is turned upside-down when they go into hospital. Only 20 years ago, people knew very little about how much a hospital stay may affect a child's development and wellbeing. Usually, children were alone during their stay. At one stage parents were even told that it would be better if they did not come to visit their child, to prevent children from troubling staff on the ward with their crying.

When small children are suddenly separated from their parents, they react strongly at first. They cry and look for mum and dad. Later, when the longed-for parents have still not returned, the children become passive and apathetic. This behaviour used to be interpreted as a sign that a child had accepted the situation. They were considered 'easy' children by the staff.

But these children were being harmed by their experience. They felt their parents had let them down. In some cases, as adults they had a hard time committing themselves emotionally to other people.

Today, we have come to understand these psychological mechanisms better. A parent will normally stay with their child in hospital, to make the difficult experience as normal as possible.

What might upset a child in hospital?
There are a lot of other things that could upset a child in hospital:

eating new, unfamiliar food

new smells

strange sounds

different routines

lots of new, strange people suddenly coming into his or her life.

How will a child react to staying in hospital?
Each child reacts differently to being in hospital. Their reaction depends to a large extent on how painful the stay is. Some children feel safe and secure as long as their parents are there. But some react badly to a stay in a hospital. A child may:

suffer nightmares

cry a lot

throw tantrums

refuse to eat

become withdrawn, refusing to have anything to do with the adults

return to earlier stages of their development and start sucking their thumb or bed-wetting.

If your child cries, let them express their fear. Stay with your child. Tell them you understand and that you are not going to leave. Hold your child in your arms or hold his or her hand. Touch is soothing.

If your child has a temper tantrum, try to stay calm, even though it will be hard. Talk quietly to your child. Cuddle them, if possible.

It is fear of the unknown that makes your child react like this. Never tell your child off, but try to calm them down instead. Explain to the child what is going on. Ask the hospital staff to explain what they are going to do to your child, before they do it. It is important to let your child know the truth. If you do, they will know they can trust you. It is not a good idea to tell the child that something is not going to hurt, if it is.

If a child sucks their thumb or wets the bed, it is because they are scared and this is perfectly natural. Do not tell your child off or tell them they are too big to be wetting the bed. That will just create more anxiety. The child needs security, closeness and the certainty that he or she is not going to be left alone.

Stay close to your child at all times so that they feel safe. The closeness, along with talking and explaining things, will create a feeling of security. Let them know that there is at least one stable and predictable element in his or her life.

Assure your child that you are not going to leave (if that is the case). If you do have to leave, tell your child when you will be back. Don't be late!

If the child becomes withdrawn, it is because they are so frightened they have almost lost confidence in other people. It is important that they experience a lot of positive contact. Talk to them, cuddle them, sing to them, tickle them, play with them; do anything you can think of that might help to get them out of their shell. If you do not succeed, help from a psychologist may be required.

A lot of children may still have nightmares and be a little naughtier than usual, even a while after returning home. That is a natural reaction. If your child experiences safety, love and closeness in their everyday life, these things will ebb away. But it might take a couple of months.

How to prepare for a child's stay in hospital
If you get the chance to prepare your child before going to the hospital, do so. Get some children's books on the subject and read them to your child.

If your child goes to nursery or school, find out whether it is possible for the children to visit a hospital. Some hospitals arrange visiting days for children. They get a guided tour, are told what it is like to stay in a hospital and are allowed to touch some of the instruments. Children often feel safer and more in control if they have been to a place before.

You can also buy a toy stethoscope and play 'going to the hospital' with the child. But even though your child puts up with a doctor's examination at home, he or she might react differently at the hospital.

Don't expect your child to 'behave' when they go into hospital, and never yell at him or her. Often your child is not in control of their own reactions. Never threaten your child by saying you'll take them to see the doctor or make them go to hospital if they don't behave or refuse to eat their dinner.

If the child has a toy, or book or an item of clothing they really love, make sure they have that in hospital with them.

You should also prepare yourself for when your child goes to hospital by reading about the subject and thinking through different situations that might arise. This will make you feel more in control if your child is suddenly taken to hospital without any warning. After all, it will be a shock to you as well as your child.

If they do not offer, ask the hospital staff to prepare your child for what is going to happen. Children feel a lot safer when things are explained to them. You can also ask the staff to show your child some of the instruments. That will make them familiar objects instead of just scary ones and your child will feel a little more in control.

How can parents help make a child's hospital stay less traumatic?
Parents should spend as much time as they want with the child in hospital. Today, it is possible to stay with your child 24 hours a day. Some hospital have extra beds that can be wheeled into the child's room. Others offer mattresses on the floor.

You can play with your child at the hospital. Playing will help them cope with all the strange and unpleasant things that are going on. Fairytales and stories may also help to make them better, but select them carefully. The good guys have to win!

Games can also provide a nice break from the serious stuff for you and your child. For an older child, renting a video or bringing in some computer games might be a good idea. It will give your child something to do. Do not leave your child alone with the TV or the computer. Watch a video or play a game together.

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