How do you keep the fires burning when there's 3,000 miles in the way? We're still waiting for some spark to invent a machine that whizzes you instantly from Glasgow to Chicago for a quick coffee and fumble. Meanwhile, we'll have to rely on more lo-fi ways to make long-distance relationships work.
Here are 10 steps to staying sane whilst separated...
1. Establish some ground rules
Dr Greg Guldner, director of the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships (yes, there is such a thing; and yes, it is American) says that ground rules are a vital foundation for any relationship - especially those where there's an annoying fistful of miles between you.He found that 70% of long-distance couples break up within six months unless they set parameters based on their own particular needs. For example, an agreement not to go on dates with other people, to be in touch every day, to make the journey every month, and so on.
If you don't discuss this stuff, says Dr Guldner, you'll both get insecure and suspicious, and your relationship won't stand a chance.
2. Keep in touch... a lot
It hardly needs stating that staying in touch is the key to surviving a long-distance relationship. Fail to communicate, and your loved one may just assume that you've lost interest. They're not telepathic.You don't have to engage in four-hour bleeding-heart phone calls every night. A text lets them know you're on their mind, and a trivial call from the bus makes them feel involved in your life. Just don't say "I'm on the bus" too loudly, or someone will hit you.
3. Get scribbling
Instant messaging is a huge boon to remote relationships. You can spend all evening chatting, typing away at your own pace and sharing links to things you've read, songs you've heard and your latest photos. But know your IM etiquette. Never disappear without saying "brb" ("be right back") or winding up the conversation sensitively.Don't forget snail mail, either. There's nothing quite so genuinely romantic as a letter, written in actual pen, with an actual stamp on it. Especially if you spell their name right.
(Note for men: posting your underpants to her won't turn her on. Trust me on this.)
4. Trust them...
Insecurity can sabotage relationships like nothing else, and it's usually unwarranted. The answer is to give trust and earn it. If you met online and you both want to make a go of it, delete your dating profile. Don't just "hide" it - that suggests you're only biding time.If previous long-distance relationships have gone awry because your lover couldn't wait for you, don't assume that your latest flame will do the same. Relax, trust one another, and remember that whole "communication" thing.
5. ...and reassure them
Many of us are shy about telling our lovers how we feel, partly out of fear that our emotional frankness will scare them away. But with long-distance relationships being such a breeding ground for insecurity, reassurance is vital.6. Have cyber-dates
You can still date your other half if they're miles away. Be inventive. Plan to go and see the same film on the same evening, and hit the phone afterwards to talk about it. This works even better if you've pre-arranged to have the same bottle of vino and giant bag of munchies on the go while you talk. Bottoms up!7. Let's get physical
You knew we'd get to this bit eventually. The worst thing about long-distance relationships is that you can't get jiggy. Oh yeah?There are many ways to keep the fires burning, says sex expert Lou Paget. "Of course you can seduce your partner without being next to them," says Lou. "Email to say you can't stand being away from them for a second longer, and invite them to a private phone date. The anticipation can be incredibly exciting for you both."
Instant messaging can be even more effective. "There's no fear of embarrassment about what you sound or look like," says Bonny Hall of sex toy website LoveHoney.co.uk. "Ask your lover about their fantasies. Maybe describe what you want to do to them in the cab from the airport next time you meet up!"
8. Plan regular meet-ups
Not even the most imaginative couples will survive if they never see each other. Visit as often as possible - and not only at obvious times like birthdays and bank holidays.Surprise is great, but be realistic. If you're a bloke, turning up on her doorstep when she's pegged out on the sofa in her old dressing gown and face-pack will do you both no favours. Give a day or two's notice.
Oh, and if you need to cancel, make sure the excuse is very good indeed. Anything short of personal bereavement sends a message that the relationship isn't your priority.
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