Content Starts Here
Dating rules on trial
Dating rules on trial
Rule 1: Women should play hard to get
Ditch: Speak to real men, however, and they insist that game-playing is best kept for the Xbox. "Men want to be wanted," says regular online dater Simon, 33. "If a women doesn't seem interested, I'll move on. Simple as that." His sentiments are echoed by Carl, 25: "My girlfriend did all the running, and I loved it! If a bloke is put off purely by a woman being interested, then he's not worth the bother. Obviously don't stalk a bloke, but show you like him. He'll be flattered."
Verdict: Ditch this rule, but with reservations. Being a hard-to-get coquette is just plain daft, and obeys all sorts of damaging stereotypes about how men should chase and women should simper modestly. These days, it's not about which sex does the chasing - it's about expressing your desires, but also remembering that you have a life. Don't be a stalker, and don't put all your eggs in one emotional basket. Coming on too strong could strangle a new flirtation at birth, so keep your cool. But out and out game-playing will get you nowhere unless you're so supersonically gorgeous that you never have to try. Are you? Thought not.
Rule 2: He pays for dinner
Ditch: What century is this? We girls can't demand an end to double standards about sex and then expect the poor bloke to pay. Earnings are irrelevant, too. You're two grown-ups on a date, not a sugardaddy and his ditzy gold-digger. If you reckon a man splashes the cash because it means he really likes you, think again - he's trying to buy something. And it ain't coffee.
Verdict: Ditch, ditch, ditch! Real chivalry means being great company - listening to her, being attentive, giving good conversation. Women, pay your way. Men, don't try to buy the upper hand. It's 2008, ferchrissakes.
Rule 3: Never have sex on a first date
Ditch: Following your loins may be a good way of sorting the gents from the sexist pigs at the first fence, says Dr Boynton. And recent research seems to suggest that getting your rocks (and knickers) off on a first date can help kick start a relationship. Biologist Barry Gibb (of University College London, and not the Bee Gees) claims that sex releases hormones that increase trust and intimacy, thereby improving a relationship's chances. Dr Gibb says an orgasm can trigger chemical changes associated with love and commitment. So stop feeling guilty. You're human, you're an adult, and life's too short.
Verdict: Ditch the rule - but only if it's right for you, your date and the circumstances. "Communicate your desires," says Dr Boynton. "If you want a one-night stand to go further, make this clear at the outset. Keep an open mind, since some one-night stands can continue into relationships." What's more, make sure you're safe. A recent study by the US National Sexuality Research Center found that 30% of online dating women have had sex on a first date - and that 77% of them used no protection. Don't let sexist morality dictate your desires, but don't be stupid - real women carry condoms.
Font size
Mail
My account
Help
Community
Print now
Send to a friend
Related articles
Related products
