Pregnancy blues

I'm 16, single and 29 weeks pregnant and only have 11 weeks left. I have my family behind me but I feel very depressed and lonely. I try to see my friend but she lives far away and the travelling makes me feel sick. I feel like my body has been taken over. Please tell me what I could do. V

Dear V

Thank you for your letter. It's quite common for pregnant women to be feeling the way you are. What can make it worse is that other people somehow expect you to be comfortable and contented. You receive so many instructions on what you should and shouldn't eat for the baby, what you should and shouldn't do for the baby that it can seem like you don't count at all.

But you do matter. Your life is not over! You can still have fun, still build and maintain friendships, still do things for yourself even if sometimes your time has to be given to your baby. I repeat, you do matter. Sure, your baby is helpless and vulnerable but you are just as important in your own right as he or she is. While it can be hard keeping hold of this idea, there are things you can do so that you don't lose sight of your own identity within your role as a mum.

Your first port of call should be the doctor or ante-natal clinic. Your body is undergoing major hormonal changes and many pregnant women and new mothers find their mood can be affected. This is common and perfectly acceptable so you do not need to be embarrassed about saying how you feel and asking for help. Asking for help when you need it is a sign of strength because it's part of assertiveness. Multi-vitamins with iron (folic acid) can help and are often available to pregnant women on prescription, but do consult your doctor before taking any medication. You could also find, as many pregnant women do, that twenty or so minutes comfortable exercise a day walking or swimming are good can alleviate low mood and give you more energy and optimism. Obviously vigorous workouts at the gym are not a good idea right now. Again, consult your GP or clinic nurse before embarking on exercise programmes. It's also important for both you and the baby to get enough sleep, including a rest after lunch.

Travelling while pregnant can induce feelings of nausea but you may find that nibbling dry biscuits such as Rich Tea or Nice counteracts this.

It's great that your family is behind you. I hope you can take the positive messages from this, like they care about you and love you because you're lovable. I hope that you are willing to take care of yourself by acting positively on your feelings so that you can begin to get your needs met. In particular I hope you're willing to tell your relatives how you're feeling. Perhaps you or your family could arrange some outings for you to enjoy yourself. Perhaps you could buy yourself a little treat now and then.