Dear Anne
My problem is that every diet I try, it doesn't work. My weight only went on when my brother died. What can I do to get my shape back? Thank you. Lyndsey
Dear Lyndsey
I'm so sorry to hear about your brother's death. Losing someone you've been so close to is always hard, especially if somehow you think you have to be cheerful and just keep going for everybody else's sake.
As you have so cleverly realised, there has been a connection with your bereavement and your weight-gain. It sounds like your response to your loss has been a change in life-style. Perhaps you now experience food as life-affirming. Maybe you've changed what you eat or the way you build exercise into your day. Whichever it is, the weight-gain sounds like it could be a defence. Somehow this symptom of grief is actually causing you more problems.
One way forward is to allow yourself to grieve. The four tasks of mourning are: acknowledgement that it has happened, although sometimes people get stuck in numbness and disbelief; anger, which can be directed against the deceased for leaving you, against the universe for letting it happen or against yourself because you couldn't stop it; sadness, which is about feeling your pain and acknowledging how difficult it is to live without this person you loved; and rebuilding your life with a new place for their memory. Sometimes we need permission to grieve, whether that comes from ourselves or someone else. Sometimes it helps to talk things through with a counsellor. Cruse is an organisation run by the bereaved for people in the same situation. You can find your nearest branch via Directory Enquiries. You may also find it useful to visit www.griefnet.org . Alternatively you might like to arrange some counselling through your GP or find a qualified counsellor in the Yellow Pages listing for Counselling & Advice. Once you have worked through your grieving, you will almost certainly find that you can re-establish your body-weight within healthy limits.
I hope you will accept my sympathy and will soon rebalance your life. Good luck!
