Dear Anne
I was bullied out of my post that I really loved and put on the redeployment list. But at the moment I'm working in a job that I hate. My wages have dropped and I have to pay out money to travel 30 miles a day. Please help me. It's really depressing me as I have no help ... Francis
Dear Francis
I'm so sorry you've been going through all this. Work-place bullying is unfortunately widespread and damaging, and can even be enshrined in the culture of a company in the name of "efficiency" or "healthy competition". Nevertheless it's bullying and it's horrible. So what can you do?
Firstly, it's a good idea to go and talk things through with your GP. It's possible you're suffering from stress or depression. If so, the doctor could write you some kind of report on your emotional state and what's caused it. The GP may be able to offer medication (if appropriate) which could help you feel better and more positive. Some surgeries also offer stress management or brief counselling. More of building positivity in a minute.
On the practical side, if you're in a union, you can contact your union representative and talk to them about the situation to see what changes can be made and whether you might be entitled to some kind of compensation. It could be helpful to write a list of all the bullying incidents for your rep. Sometimes small things don't look serious - until they're part of a list of other incidents. If your doctor has identified stress or depression, his or her report could be a useful weapon in your armoury. You may also find it useful to go to www.tuc.org.uk. In their Directory under Health and Safety you'll find a section on how to deal with workplace bullying. You may also find it useful to read Fighting Back: Overcoming Bullying in the Workplace by David Graves. www.andreaadamstrust.org is the website of an organisation specifically supporting those who have been bullied at work.
Another possibility is going into your local JobCentre to see if there's anything they can do to help in the situation you're in, or help you find a different and more rewarding job in a healthier organisation if you'd prefer that. As your wages have dropped you may perhaps also be entitled to some kind of tax credit or benefits - which you've paid for with your National Insurance contributions all these years. Again, the JobCentre could give you that information.
It's important to remember that you're not responsible for other people's actions. Nice people don't bully. You are not defined by other people's words or behaviour. It could be useful for you to have a look at the new college and adult education brochures when they come out next month as a confidence or assertiveness course could make a big difference to how you've been feeling as well as giving you more techniques for safely standing up for yourself. It could also help you find supportive friends so you don't feel isolated.
When people have been bullied, they commonly come to believe various thought-distortions such as "I'll never get what I want," "Things will always be like this" and "It's my fault - there's something wrong with me." Books such as Dr David Burns' The Feeling Good Handbook can help you counter such distorted thinking. You could also think back to all the people who've ever treated you nicely. And counselling, of course, is particularly good at helping people build positivity and confidence.
Once again my sympathies, Francis. Good luck with rebuilding your confidence and making your life more rewarding.
