I am a 56 y.o. male who dreams of being female. I am married but she only found out about my cross-dressing a couple of years ago and now we are at constant loggerheads about it. I do love her but the dream of being allowed to dress as female is burning inside me, so much so that I don't know if I can carry on living this lie any longer. I have lost all my so-called friends and I have even been sacked from my place of work because of my feelings. I wish I could meet someone who could help me with my confidence to dress up as female, who is willing to accept me as female but without restrictions. I love being with real women and feel I can relate to them more than I can with men, but I haven't yet found a true person who would accept me in either mode. I am neither gay nor hetero-sexual, I just love being a woman more than I enjoy being a man. I live in the north east where prejudices are very strong against anyone who does not fit the norm, so going out dressed is very difficult alone. Do you know of any social gatherings in the area that I may be able to attend where, for a few hours at least, I will be able to be the person I long to be? Leslie
Dear Leslie
I'm sorry you feel so trapped, and I'm sorry for your wife too. You're both in a difficult situation which neither of you had wanted. However, it could be possible for you both to move forward.
You could start by going to www.beaumontsociety.org.uk. The Beaumont offers support to transvestite and transgender people. I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that there's a social group where you can happily cross-dress in your area. They may also know of fem classes where you could gain greater confidence in your cross-dressing.
It is possible that you and your wife may be able to form a new way of living where your cross-dressing is an integral part of your relationship, but it will take work on both your parts. She may have all kinds of difficult feelings about herself as well as you: hurt that you've kept this from her for so long, fear of rejection, a belief that she's somehow inadequate, anger that you're not who she thought you were ... I hope the two of you will find a caring couples counsellor who's willing to help the two of you. You'd need to discuss this issue up front with the counsellor when you ring round so that you find someone who accepts you as you are.
I wish both of you confidence and good love.
