Internet games

Dear Anne

I've been talking to a friend's oldest brother who is 21. I'm 17. We talk a lot on msn because he doesn't live in this city though he comes up sometimes. I've have never met him but he's always asking if I'm going to go and see him where he lives. Part of me wants to and part of me is worried. I text him and he doesn't text me back. When this happened before, he said he was just worried people would find this weird because of the age difference but there isn't anything going on so it confused me a bit. Now when I text him he doesn't text back. Does this mean he isn't interested or what? When I do ask him on the internet, he says he's been busy or finds an excuse. I'm just confused as to what's going on? Jodie

Dear Jodie

Sorry, but you do know what's going on, you just don't like it. The guy's messing you about with mixed signals. You're feeling confused and wondering whether to go and visit him miles away from home; whether this is the prelude to a great romance or just some shallow game. That's what's happening: confusion. It's not nice, is it? Flirting, even long friendly online chats, mean nothing romantic unless they're backed up by an interest in you that's reliable and two-way. He doesn't answer your texts. He makes excuses. He's worried about being with you because others would condemn him for the age-difference. He likes you, right enough, but not in ways that feel good to you. As for just travelling to see some guy a long way off without even having met him, you're right to be worried. It could be sending him mixed signals too. He might think, "She's up for sex or she wouldn't have come here," and who's to say whether he thinks sex = relationship or just a heedless quickie with someone available? The foundation for a good relationship is that both people make it completely clear they want to be in it and they demonstrate their liking for each other with consistent, clear actions.

In short, Jodie, if you like being confused, carry on. If you like being kept dangling, ditto. If he chooses to ask you out on a date the next time he's in your city, fair enough (so long as you follow the sensible guidelines about meeting in brightly-lit public places and making sure you can get home safely under your own steam). But if he doesn't, do you want to turn your life into a waiting-room?

Good luck.