Drugs and child abuse

Dear Anne

When I was 14 I was introduced to some drugs that I later found out were crack and heroin by a 30 year old in a position of trust. He then had sex with me a countless number of times. Now I'm a bit older, if I told the police would my parents have to know? I don't know whether to speak out because I gave consent, but I don't know if it counts as consent when I was unknowingly on the drugs. I feel really alone but couldn't face my parents finding out. I'm off the drugs now and am also a recovering anorexic, which was brought on due to the ordeal. Please help. M

Dear M

First of all, well done for getting off the drugs and getting back to healthier habits around food! Both of those are real tribute to you as a person.

Legally a guy who has sex with a 14 year old is committing a crime even if she consents, since she's not deemed to have reached the legal age of consent. The guy pressured you by doing something else illegal: giving you heroin and crack. He obtained your consent while you were under the influence of the illegal drugs he provided. You are not to blame. He was an adult in a position of trust, which means he was there to protect you, but he abused that privilege. He is the one who was to blame, and he was old enough to know better.

I hope you will go to www.rapecrisis.org.uk, where you'll find regional contact numbers and general information. If this man is still in a position which he could abuse, they would be obliged to report that to the police for the protection of other young people. However, if you don't give them his name they can't do that, so you can still seek information and help. In any case Rape Crisis wouldn't tell your parents without your permission, and nor would the police in most instances (depending partly on how old you are now). Therefore you might choose to open up a bit to someone at your local RC centre, either on the phone or face-to-face, and talk things through with them. They won't put pressure on you but will give you the information you need to make the best possible decisions for yourself and other young people who may be at risk. If you choose to report it to the police, a Rape Crisis person could go with you for support. Whether or not you do that, RC could offer you free and confidential counselling too.

It is possible to recover from child sex abuse like this. Thousands of people have, with the help of trained support, updated the old decisions they made as a response to the abuse. They've developed a new perspective on themselves, other people and their place in the world. They've learned to like themselves again, and to build good trusting skills so they can work out who is and isn't safe to be around.

Well done for having the courage to write in and seek help. You deserve a full recovery. Good luck.