Mum died early, will I?

Dear Anne

I am 24 with 2 small children. My mum died when I was 2 and it's only lately I've realised that I know nothing of the medical history of her family, only that her mum had 2 female cancers and her sister had breast cancer. I have been to my doc to talk about the test that can be done to see if I have the gene but he's refusing to do it as he thinks I should let sleeping dogs lie, but I feel I need to be prepared with having the children. I know that my mum's mum was only 39 when she died. What should I do? Please help. Anon

Dear Anon

I do understand your anxiety. A lot of it comes with the responsibilities of being a mum. But some of it comes from the way you've been thinking.

If you did have the gene, it would show a possible vulnerability towards cancer, not a guarantee that you'd get it. You are not your mum, your aunty or your grandma. Your genetic material comes just as much from your dad's side of the family. We know far more about preventing and curing cancer than we did 20 or more years ago. We eat more healthily and use sunscreen. We've removed various carcinogens from the environment, e.g. asbestos and radium-based luminous paints, and we have cleaner air since limits were set on industrial pollution. We can choose not to smoke or abuse alcohol, as people during and after the war so often did. We check our breasts monthly, and have breast screening too. As you know, early identification and modern treatment mean recovery rates are much, much higher than in the past, when in any case ignorance, old taboos and embarrassment meant people of your mum's and grandmother's generations were less likely to seek help in good time.

I don't know the answer to the next question, but you will. You say this anxiety is fairly recent. Could it have been triggered by the pressures of having your second child? The timing could well be the clue. If so, why not talk things through with your health visitor and your partner and friends?

I'm with your doctor on this. You're already worrying just because other individuals in your family history had the disease. If - and it is only if - you had the possible genetic predisposition, you might focus so much on this that you could worry yourself sick, or at the very least, poison your pleasure in your life and sour your relationships with your family.

Why rush ahead to meet trouble that may well not come anyway? I hope, Anon, that you can start to focus more on living in the present. On enjoying a healthy lifestyle. On getting accustomed to the new shape of your family and inviting more pleasure into your life. I wish you all the best.