Dear Anne
I'm 14. My parents have to work all through the weekends to pay my school fees and I am really grateful that they do it but it means I have to spend all my free time babysitting my 3 year old sister. Usually I'm fine with it and I get one free morning on Sundays where I help out at the local stables, but the other week I had an argument with my dad and he ended up shouting at me so I was shouting back at him. He was yelling at me to stop yelling at him and obviously I'm not going to stop if he won't. Now he's banned me from riding until I "stop being rude". He is always telling me I'm really rude and ungrateful so I'm deliberately rude. He's said I can't go riding until I stop and riding is my life. I don't have many really good friends at school, home is hell but at riding I just always feel really good. Now that's been taken away from me and my pride stops me from saying sorry. I've thought about running away because I just can't bear my dad's hypocrisy. Anna
Dear Anna
I'm sorry you feel so powerless in this - because you're not. You know exactly what to do in order to earn permission to ride again. While I agree it's annoying that your dad's yelling at you to stop yelling, you're the only one who controls your mouth. Besides, since you're yelling too, you can hardly complain about him being a hypocrite, can you? You might find it useful to think about that joke: "Normally I can't stand hypocrisy but in my own case I'm prepared to make an exception."
And what of pride, which you say stops you apologising? If you're deliberately rude, what on earth do you have to be proud of? I know gratitude is an ill-fitting shoe but your parents have put themselves out for you so doesn't it make sense to show some appreciation by being co-operative and polite? You've found out that you can't make your dad stop doing and saying stuff - but you do have the power to invite nicer treatment. If you want changes, they have to start with you.
Running away? Hmm. Too young to get a job, vulnerable to creeps, muggers and rapists, no roof when it rains, no washing machine, no bath or loo, no TV, no money for food - or for riding. And no schooling either. How does all that fit in with your pride?
Co-operation and showing appreciation will make you look much more mature. So, Anna, I hope you'll start using your power to get more of what you want. All the best.
