Trapped by my parents

Dear Anne

My parents have stopped every possible way I can communicate with friends. They have removed my phone and online messanger. They also say I am not allowed out the house. I feel so trapped, and I can't stand it any more. What can I do to make them stop? If I stay in the house any longer I will become seriously depressed. It may sound like a minor problem, but I feel so lonely. They are constantly shouting at me, and never let me see my friends. What can I do for them to realise I need to get out? Thanks. Naomi

Dear Naomi

I'm sorry you're feeling so trapped and lonely. I do sympathise. No doubt it seems very unfair to you, but your parents must have a reason for their actions because obviously it makes life more difficult for them too. Chances are you know what you need to do to regain their trust, which is what this seems to be all about. Nevertheless, here are some suggestions.

If you want to be trusted, you have to show you're responsible and mature. Shouting back and whining won't do the trick. Instead,why not sit down quietly in your room and work out what you need to do? Do you take good care of your things, keep your room tidy, keep up with homework, revision and chores without needing to be nagged? Do you show them what you've done and talk about what's happening for you at school, both the lessons and a bit about your friends that shows them in a positive light? Do you offer them some nurturing, perhaps offering to make them a cuppa without being asked, asking them about their day, choosing to spend some pleasant, relaxed time with them? Do you show your appreciation of all they do for you, food, clothing, shelter, presents, holidays and all the day-to-day hassles of running a home and working?

I wonder too how you manage your feelings. Do you think about them and work out the best way of getting your needs met? Sometimes we have to put up with things and make the best use of our time within the limitations imposed, at least for a while. Bearing the above tactics in mind, how can you use your time at home to your own benefit? What pastimes can you use to entertain yourself? How about trawling the net for some self-help materials such as those at www.coping.org? And how about researching emotional literacy so you find good ways of communicating with your parents? Could it be that some of your friends aren't actually good for you?

Odd though it may seem, your parents are doing their best to look after you. I hope you'll come to see this, and to do your best both for them and for yourself. Good luck.