Depressed and lonely

Dear Anne

At high school I realized I was unhappy most of the time. My best friend from infancy had made new friends and was way more popular than me. I did have friends but I was kind of angry and jealous of him all the time. We still hung round with each other after school with two other close friends but it really wasn't the same because he would leave us if his new friends asked him to go out. As time went on, I found myself losing nearly all of my friends in school, mostly because I was unhappy I think, and only really had one friend, D, who remains probably my best friend. But after we left school he got a girlfriend and we went to different colleges. Now we haven't spoken to each other for nearly 3 years, and neither have my other friends. I kind of feel angry at him but also jealous because he's got a girlfriend and still keeps in contact with most of the people in school. I quit college because I wasn't enjoying it and have been on the dole for 3 months, while my old friends both go to college and work and have friends that they spends time with, and I feel we're drifting apart. I'm worried that I'll be all alone with no friends. Lastly, my two cousins, who were like brothers to me, have very serious depression. We don't keep in contact any more and I feel I might have the problem. In September I decided to do something about my weight and also see if it helps me be less depressed. I've lost more than three stone over six months. It helps the depression in the short term but then I'm back being depressed. Help me please! Seth

Dear Seth

I'm sorry you've been feeling so low. Let me reassure you that depression isn't hereditary, but patterns - healthy or otherwise - for dealing with emotions can be passed on in families. Your old ways of thinking and feeling have left you feeling needy, jealous, angry and self-critical, wouldn't you say? It's possible to learn new and more self-supportive ways of thinking and it could be just what you need. I hope you'll go and talk to your doctor to see if you do have depression. If so, short-term medication + a talking therapy are the quickest ways of overcoming it. If your doctor can't refer you to counselling, then you might ask him or her for information about voluntary counselling agencies, or you could ring round practitioners listed in Yellow Pages under Counselling & Advice to find one you'd feel comfortable working with and who is willing to negotiate about fees. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) or Transactional Analysis could be the types that suit you best.