Cyber-bullying

I am a member of the social network 'Bebo' and yesterday I discovered that there was a hate profile based on me. The person wrote very hurtful things about me based on my weight even though I'm not that fat! They also called me ugly and started a cruel poll about me. I can't stop crying because now I think I'm fat and ugly. I just want to know how someone could be so mean and why would they do that? Thanks, Anne A

Dear A

I've replace your name with a letter of the alphabet because I don't want to expose you to further abuse. I feel both sad and angry on your behalf that someone would do something this cruel. Why do people do hateful things? Because they're hateful. Seeing they've had the power to upset someone gives them a kick of triumph. Why take on the opinions of someone who is behaving so selfishly and maliciously? Your worth, your value, your looks - none of these are for other people to judge. In your heart of hearts you know you look OK. You're a worthwhile human being with just as much right to safety as anyone else on the planet. It may also comfort you to know that it's not just you these horrible people have a go at. Pretty much at random they pick on people, presumably because they're sad enough to derive some sick satisfaction from doing so.

Social network groups have a facility for reporting incidents of cyberbullying. They put a stop to it once they've been alerted, so I hope you'll do that soon. You can also go to www.dfes.gov.uk/bullying. This website supported by the Department for Children, Schools and Families has lots of information about cyberbullying and how to tackle it. It's your call, but with cyberbullying on the increase and social networking sites so vulnerable to it, do you really want to stay on such a site?

Meantime it's important for you to talk to someone supportive, someone who will understand and help you to rebuild your confidence. You might ring Connexions on 080 800 13 2 19. It's a helpline for young people. Their website is at www.connexions-direct.com. You might also talk to your parents about it, and say what measures you've taken to keep yourself safe. If you want to boost your confidence you might also go to www.shykids.com or use the self-esteem resources on www.coping.org.

A, you're smart, sociable, resourceful and internet literate. Your appearance is only a part of you. Besides, you know that your friends and family accept you as you are, and you've never had this kind of nasty insult hurled at you before so do ask people you know, maybe including the school nurse or your form tutor, for reassurance that you look OK. People who are outwardly beautiful can be horrible, and beauty doesn't last forever. Character is far more important. One thing you know for sure is that you'd never stoop to such cruel actions so that means you're definitely several hundred points up on the bullies.

I wish you confidence and safety. Good luck.