How to rescue our daughter

Our 20 year old daughter gave birth to our granddaughter in the summer. During most of the time since then she had spent 50% of her time with the baby's father to allow him access. However on Boxing Day he became dissatisfied with this arrangement and took our granddaughter away. Since then she has had to live with him so that she can be with her daughter. He bullies her into doing his bidding by threatening that he will contact social services to have her daughter taken away from her. Of course we know this is nonsense but our daughter is too worried to defy him just in case this could happen. Also he has full parental rights as his name is on the birth certificate which complicates things. He has stopped our daughter from staying with us even when he is not at home. What makes matters worse is that his landlord would report back if she does not comply with his wishes while he is away. This makes her a virtual prisoner. We would appreciated any advice on how we could rescue our daughter? Adrian

Dear Adrian

I am so sorry to hear that what should have been a happy event has become such a nightmare for you and your daughter. I sympathise with her because in the emotional upheaval after a child's birth it's sometimes hard for a mother to accept that she's OK as a mother and that her baby isn't going to be taken away from her. I can't help wondering if she perhaps has a touch of post-natal depression, since these thoughts are fairly typical of the condition. She might decide to have a check-up at the doctor's or health visitor's just to find out. I hope she'll also talk about what's been happening for her, i.e. her boyfriend's controlling actions. She doesn't need to feel guilty or ashamed. She's not the one who has been behaving in these overbrearing ways. Besides, PND is common, it's not a crime, a sin or a mark of inadequacy, it's an illness for which the sufferer is no more responsible than if they had flu, and it's not grounds for having the baby taken away. Women can and do recover from it, and are more likely to recover quickly with appropriate professional help. She may care to find out more about it via www.apni.org, which is the website for the Association of Post-Natal Illness. Their telephone number is 020 7386 0868. If she does have PND, there is plenty of support available. The Meet-a-Mum Association (MAMA) runs a helpline for mums with PND on 0845 120 3746 which operates Mondays-Fridays 7pm-10pm) or she could go to their website at www.mama.co.uk. However, a diagnosis by a doctor is essential, not least because GPs can give short-term medication (if appropriate) which can help rebalance hormones so the person feels better. The GP can also give reassurance that the mother will not be penalised for having this common and treatable condition. Even if Social Services were involved they wouldn't take the child into care unless the parents were maltreating her, and as your daughter's been making such sacrifices on her daughter's behalf I'm sure she's a great mum.