My boyfriend wets the bed

I started going out with my boyfriend about 6 weeks ago and everything seemed perfect until recently he wet the bed. I was hoping it was a one-off but it's since happened again. I really like him and don't how to handle the situation. He must have some deep unresolved issues but won't talk to me about it. It's just worrying considering we're both 20! I thought bed-wetting was just a problem kids suffered with? Please help .... Confused

Dear Confused

Yes, mostly people do get over bed-wetting in childhood or adolescence. Adult bed-wetting could be related to various things. The most common is excess alcohol. If he drinks to the point where he wets the bed, he has a serious alcohol problem, which doesn't bode well for any relationship between you. You might consider getting out before you get in too deep. Another possibility is some relationship between sex and urination, probably in his mind but perhaps physiological (but you'd have noticed if it happens every time he has sex with you). And the third possibility is that he does indeed have a psychological hang-up. That could tie in with his being unwilling to discuss the problem - or it could more likely be simply his being too embarrassed and ashamed to discuss the issue.

Males are more likely to suffer from nocturnal enuresis (night-time bed-wetting) than females. There can be a genetic predisposition if one or both his parents wet the bed into late adolescence or adulthood. You can encourage him to seek help. He is the one who has to take responsibility for dealing with his problem (because you can't "fix" anyone else). He could try putting a brick under the bed-legs at the foot of the bed. He could make sure he goes to the loo after sex and before going to sleep, and not drinking any liquids for 2 hours before bedtime. He could get an alarm that you put under the sheet, to help him train himself. He could very usefully talk to his doctor because there are vasosuppresant medications to redress nocturnal enuresis. For more information, you can go to www.drugdigest.org/DD/HC/Causes/0,4045,1030,00.html.

But for you, the bottom line is whether or not you want to stay in relation with a guy who (a) closes you out and won't discuss problems with you and (b) has poor problem-solving skills. Because they are both indicators of how you and he would face - or avoid facing - difficulties if you stay together. So you might consider staying with him for a while so long as he does address his problem, but consider ending it if he continues to avoid both intimacy and problem-solving. I wish both of you good luck.