Dear Anne
I went on holiday last September. Like my friends, obviously one of the things I went for was obviously going to meet people and get drunk and get up to stuff, but one night turned strange. I was in this club dancing with my mate and the next thing my eye-sight went blurry and there was this man. The next I remember was being in a taxi and the time after that in a lift, getting off with this man. After that I woke up with him on top of me having sex but I was asleep. I was sober at the bar. Do you think I was date-raped? Now I get flashbacks of it and I can't do anything! Kerry
Dear Kerry
I'm sorry you had this experience which is giving you flashbacks and leaving you feeling out of control. The trouble is, because you remember so little of it you can't remember whether you agreed to sex or gave signs that indicated you were up for it. As you say you weren't drunk when you were in the bar, there's every possibility that either the guy put a big shot of alcohol in your drink or spiked it with some mind-altering substance. At this late date there's no way of proving what the substance was, either.
What you do know is that you have flashbacks and you don't like them. It would make sense for your to ring Rape Crisis for telephone counselling or to make an appointment for face to face counselling. Their website is at www.rapecrisis.org.uk and their central phone number is 0870 240 4246. They won't judge or condemn you, and will help you overcome the flashbacks. They'll be supportive and give you a safe space in which to work through your feelings and, without pushing you into anything, make new decisions about yourself and what you'll do.
One of these might be that you'll never, ever leave your drink unattended in a pub or nightclub. Nor will you leave it with friends who aren't completely sober. You might also decide to have tests to see whether you've picked up a sexually-transmitted disease, because there are some, such as chlamydia, which don't necessarily give outward symptoms but could render you infertile and cause longer-term health problems. The sooner you have those tests the better, because the earlier you receive any necessary treatment, the less time the disease has to cause you damage. And you might decide too that getting drunk in public isn't a good idea because it means you're less able to take care of yourself.
I wish you safety and the courage to seek the help you need.
