Dear Anne
I am 17 years old and so depressed because of this one girl. I haven't really gone for relationships until I met her. I thought she was stunning and she had a great personality. We had been seeing each other for about a month when I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out.
To my suprise she said yes. Things were going great. I was starting to fall in love with her and she told me she loved me. Then one day out of the blue she told me that she still had feelings for her ex, that she didn't love me but still wanted to stay with me. This hurt like hell. We did carry on going out and for a while everything seemed to be fine. She told me she loved me again and this time she said she meant it. Like a sucker I believed her. The next day she told me that her ex had just been round and they slept with each other. This also hurt like hell. She said that it didn't mean anything so like a mug I took her back thinking that this would prove how much I loved her.
Again things were OK for a couple of weeks then she sent me a text saying, Can we just be friends? This finally ended the relationship although I was still crazy about her. Six months later, just when I was starting to get used to the idea that she didn't want me, she popped round for a visit. This opened up old wounds and I started to feel the same way again. She has just started the same college as me. I am scared that she is going to get a new boyfriend and I am going to see her kiss him right in front of me. I don't want her back but I want to stop loving her. Every time I think of her I realise how much I miss her. I feel like I can't get anyone better. I was so proud of her. Am I ever going to get over her or will I always hurt? I need to accept it and move on but I don't know how. Andy
Dear Andy
I'm so sorry that your first experience of love has been with a girl who has treated you this way. Your pain is understandable but you are right in thinking that it's time to move on. So how can you do this?
I invite you to think of all the sadness you have gone through because of her messing you around. She's two-timed you, sent mixed signals, said she loved you then taken it back. She may be pretty and witty, but she's also callous and selfish. Surely you don't feel proud of that side of her? Don't you feel angry about her flighty disregard? Don't you find her behaviour unkind and even cruel?
You didn't deserve the poor treatment she meted out. You were genuine and whole-hearted. She was deceitful and two-faced. You were open and loving. She was heartless and hurtful. Why not allow yourself to feel your anger safely? You can do this by deciding you're not going to hurt yourself or anyone else. Then you can write a poison-pen letter that you will never send. It's important that you don't let anyone else see it, because in it you pour out your grief and your anger.
