Dear Anne
I am going out with this fantastic guy who's funny, smart and really loves me and I love him so much too. There is this other guy who loves me and I thought it didn't bother me, but I saw him laughing with my friend and I got very jealous. What does this mean? Help! Nicky
Dear Nicky
I can see you're really worried but there's no need. Let's step back a pace and look at things calmly.
Just because you're in a relationship with a nice guy, it doesn't mean you stop fancying other people. It just means that you don't want to do anything that might threaten the relationship you've got. If you do want to do something about it, then maybe your current relationship doesn't fulfil all your needs. In which case, isn't it time you said something to your boyfriend to see if things can be put right, or pack him in and move on?
On the other hand, you say this other man loves you but you weren't bothered about him. Could it be dog-in-the-manger feelings you're experiencing? You know, you only want something if someone else shows they value it?
To work out what's going on for you, why not think about your jealousy and write down on a sheet of paper all the things you're thinking about yourself when you're jealous? This could give you a real lead as to what you're going to do about it.
In the meantime, where are your feelings for your friend in all this? Do you want her to be unhappy? After all, you don't love the guy she's going out with, do you? So why shouldn't she have a good time too?
As people go from teenage to womanhood, they usually have a number of relationships before finding the one person they want to settle down with for the rest of their lives. That means more relationships don't work out than do, and that's fine because we all have to practise relationship skills and find what we want. So maybe this isn't the disaster you think it might be.
I wish you all the best of luck.
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