Dear Anne
I was wondering if you can help me. I am at private school and over the past couple of weeks my "friends" keep on calling me gay and think that I am a complete puff etc. I am not remotely gay and really want to get a girlfriend. The thing is that sometimes I do act a little camp etc. Please could you tell me what I should do about this? It is making me feel quite upset and that is the last thing I want when I have my GCSE's in a few weeks! Thank you very much. Tim
Dear Time
Being teased by your schoolmates isn't that much fun, is it? It may be, though, that exam stress is making you a little more sensitive right now. Here are some ideas about how you can handle it.
I'd be interested to know why you exhibit what you yourself describe as camp behaviours if you don't want to be thought homosexual. What do you get out of it? Is it a way of drawing attention to yourself? If so, aren't there other ways to do that which don't carry the same penalty of being labelled in a way you dislike? You may decide to observe other boys at school casually, if you don't want to arouse any more unfounded suspicions! to see how they manage to join in conversations.
Boys, especially in a predominantly male environment, have always used this kind of homophobic name-calling. The one thing you needn't do is take it seriously! Such silliness isn't worth dwelling on. If it's a done thing in your school, you might consider putting up a couple of pin-up pictures of pop stars or actresses you fancy.
Often an effective response to teasing is to make a joke of it. How about responding, You wish! or In your dreams, frog-face! or something on as childish a level as their remarks? You, of course, know your schoolmates better than I do and it might be more tactful with aggressive lads just to roll your eyes up and tut in a how pathetic! sort of way. If you let their stupid remarks roll of you like water off a duck's back, they'll see by your indifference that there can't possibly be any truth in their accusations. Besides, why would you care what such daft lads think? You and your friends know you're heterosexual.
Meantime you can concentrate on your exams, secure in the knowledge that only a few weeks from now you'll be back at home, where hopefully you can meet some nice girls through your social activities or a holiday job. Think of all the girls out there who are just as keen to have a boyfriend as you are to have a girlfriend!
Good luck, Tim. I wish you every success in the future.Back to Ask Anne
