Suicidal After Rejection - Agony Aunt

Dear Anne

Every time a girl talks to me I become instantly obsessed with them, and I have cut the name of my two previous obsessees into my arms. I've had serious thoughts of committing suicide, but my mind is put at rest when I listen to the rhymes of Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park. It's also really frustrating because none of them will go out with me due to my abnormally wide head and sheer butt-ugliness. Please help me. Matthew

Dear Matthew

I'm sorry that you're feeling so down on yourself. I do urge you to go to your doctor about feeling suicidal. He will be used to dealing with people who feel that way and he won't criticise or condemn. He may be able to prescribe medication so that you feel well enough to tackle the underlying triggers, and he may be able to refer you for counselling. This can help you se things in a new light. MIND (number from Directory Enquiries) can also help in situations like these, or you could email admin@ita.org.uk who can send you a list of counsellors in your area.

It's not only good-looking people who find partners. The next time you go to the supermarket, see how many couples are around where either or both the people are not exactly supermodels! What counts far more is being kind, loving and supportive. It really helps to recognise and focus on your good qualities so that you are more confident in approaching girls and in making friends generally.

Nor are you the only person who has let themselves get obsessed about someone to the point where they hurt themselves. Carving their name on your arm may feel like a connection to them but it isn't. If someone%'s feeling desperate it's easy to believe that the next girl or boy is the one who's going to rescue them, but life doesn't work like that. Pinning all your hopes for happiness on another person means that that person takes on an unrealistically big significance, so that their lightest word can cause swooping heights of ecstasy or pits of misery.

People can't rescue each other emotionally and believing that they can cause pain. Rather than giving away power over your own hopes for happiness, it makes more sense to work out how you can take responsibility for your own emotional wellbeing. It can be a tough journey, but it's incredibly rewarding and it's the key to finding happiness. You may find the websites at www.self-injury.info and www.palace.net/~llama/psych/selfinjury.html useful. There are other people's stories, information and forums where you can share your problems with people who've gone through the same thing. Although you may feel like you're the only one, you're not, and that can be very comforting to know!