Dear Anne
I have this problem, which isn't really that bad but it's eating away at me and I can't take it any more. My mum and dad came back home drunk last night. They hardly ever go out so it wasn't really a problem at all, but they woke me up (this is the really sick part) having sex. I actually threw up and started shouting at them. I used to have a problem where I cut myself and it's all coming back to me.
I just can't take it. I can't even look at them because I want to be sick and I just feel revolting. It's not really a massive problem. They're married and it's only natural, but it's just made me feel horrible. It's in my head and I can hear it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks. Amy
Dear Amy
I'm very sorry to hear that you're so distressed by the sounds of your parents lovemaking. Even though it's natural, a lot of teenagers find the whole idea of their parents having a sexlife revolting. It's part of becoming used to your own sexuality, which can be hard enough without knowing that the older generation are still enjoying sex.
Your reaction is so strong, though, that you might consider talking to a counsellor about it, especially in view of the fact that you have sometimes hurt yourself. Your GP could refer you, although there'll be a waiting list, or you might ask your parents if they could pay for you to see someone sooner. Despite their actions being the trigger, isn't the real anxiety about your response to it? You can find a list of accredited counsellors in your area by emailing admin@ita.org.uk or by looking through your Yellow Pages. GPs and counsellors are used to dealing with people who self-harm so you need not fear being judged or condemned.
Other resources are the excellent websites at www.self-injury.info and www.palace.net/~llama/psych/selfinjury.html . I do realise that at the moment it may seem as though cutting yourself is a big release and a way of protecting yourself, but there are other ways of managing your feelings safely. These websites can give you information on these, and sharing other people's stories may help you feel less isolated.
In the meantime, when you begin mentally to re-experience the sounds that have so upset you, I invite you to find distractors. Perhaps you could put a favourite piece of music on, have a cup of tea, put your hand in cold water, crunch an ice-cube or concentrate on a good book or film.
I do hope, Amy, that you will find comfort and security. I wish you peace of mind.
Back to Ask Anne
