Dear Anne
I hope you can help me with a dilemma I've had for years. I work for my family in a building company, which I've never been truly happy with. I did leave to do other things a couple of times, but always seemed to end up back again for one reason or another. After I got married and the children came along, it seemed the right thing to stop dreaming about what I could have done, and make the best of this job. But I'm now coming up to 38, and feeling quite depressed about not ever finding something I really enjoyed doing, the thought of doing this for another 20 odd years fills me with dread.
Is it too late to change career? Am I being silly in dreaming about what could have been? Or should I just forget it and 'get my head down'? I am feeling quite desperate about this. I find that I'm spending lots of time thinking about it, and not doing something about it, or doing my work properly. Please help. Gary
Dear Gary
I appreciate your dilemma. Therre you are, part of the family business, doing what your family wants you to, enjoying a stable income which helps to support your wife and children. From the outside it all seems perfect except that you feel trapped in something you dread being stuck with for the rest of your life.
So where do you go to from here? The good news is that people no longer stick with one job or even one profession all their lives. But have you ever asked yourself what keeps drawing you back to the family firm once you've made a break? How could you avoid that this time? If it was to please other people, is it their life you're living? If it was to maintain your wife and kids, other people manage it in different ways, don't they? Did you perhaps in the past just look for an escape, any escape? Or did you do some research into what other jobs are out there and what training (if any) you'd need to undertake to do well in them?
A useful phrase is If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, so if this is relevant, how about tracking down some form of aptitude assessment, perhaps through a job agency? This can cost several hundred pounds, by the way, unless you're going to work for the agency for a while or they're going to find you your new position. It may take time for you to build up the necessary skills for a change of career, but is there some way you could do this, perhaps through part-time classes, night school or the Open University? Or could you sell any shares you hold in the firm, having planned in advance with your wife what other paths you might follow? Could you work part-time while building what you need in the way of funds and training? Could you hire a manager to replace you?
There is, of course, a viable alternative. Work is often humdrum but is the rest of your life fulfilling? If not, could you begin by developing some rewarding pastime whether or not you eventually turn into a career? Meanwhile, how about indulging in a spot of creative dreaming, so that you know which way you'd like to jump, and then working out each step you need to take to reach your chosen goal? Working through NLP: The Technology of Achievement by Andreas and Faulkner may help you find your chosen direction in life.
Because if you don't work out where you want to get to, you could wake up in 30 years time to find your life has passed you by. Good luck on making your life your grand adventure!
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