Dear Anne
This is in the 'How should I approach him/her?' category. I've known this girl for a couple of years. She knows I'm in love with her and is always freaked out when she sees me or when anyone mentions my name to her. I can tell she doesn't like me. She thinks I'm her stalker because I got her number without asking her. I like her a lot. I just feel so useless that because she hides and doesn't talk to me. Our age difference is about 2 years. What should I do? Please help. Steven
Dear Steven
Thank you for your letter. I can appreciate that you're feeling hurt and rejected but I'm wondering why you keep coming back for more. You say you like this girl a lot but what are you getting out of that? She keeps being unkind to you, avoiding you, giving you unpleasant labels and hiding from you. Is that really the sort of woman you like? Wouldn't you prefer someone kind, affectionate, open and considerate? Someone who makes you feel loved and valued and good about yourself?
Here's another point. You say you're in love with this girl. However, real love doesn't work where only one of you feels warmth for the other! Being in love with someone who scarcely speaks to you, let alone spends pleasant hours of companionship with you, may give you strong feelings but aren't they based on a fantasy? You may picture her being kind to you and doing and saying what you want but is that reality? Don't you deserve real, demonstrated love from a real woman?
I think you do. But are you likely to get it when you're locked into this painful half-relationship with someone who doesn't care for you?
You ask me how to approach this girl. I'm asking you why you should bother. The odd, cool word if you happen to bump into each other would seem quite suficient. And why not look forward to the day when she sees you with someone who values you as you deserve?
One last point. I can't think of any woman who wouldn't be freaked out if someone got her phone number behind her back. Most women would prefer someone assertive, who can speak up for himself and doesn't behave in devious ways.
Good luck in finding someone nicer, Steve.Back to Ask Anne
