Dear Anne
I've been talking to this boy online for nearly 3 years now. We met via my ex. We have always been friends but recently I've started to like him as more than a friend.
He gave me his number so that I could text or ring if I ever needed him and he wasn't online and he's also told my friend that he really likes me but is afraid to do anything about it because he has been in a long distance relationship before and she never met him so he won't ask me out or tell me himself that he really likes me. I just wish he would because I really like him as well. I would go and see him and whenever he wanted he could come and see me. Do you know why he won't tell me he likes me? What should I do? Natasha
Dear Natasha
How frustrating for you! It appears he hasn't asked you out or come to see you because he doesn't like long-distance relationships. He fears they won't work out - and the way he's been going about it, no wonder! You could ring him for a chat. You could say your mate's told you he really likes you and you'd be interested in meeting him because you like him too and want to see if anything could come of this. If he's of the same mind, you could make it clear that you'll follow the usual safety guidelines: you'll meet him near your home in a brightly-lit public place such as a café. You'll let your parents and your friends know when and where, and what time you'll be coming back. Apart from that, you'll make sure you have the money on you to pay for a black cab home (on a first date, don't let him take you anywhere even on foot) and you'll get someone to ring you on your mobile after an hour to make sure you're OK. If after a couple of hours together you both want to meet up again, ask him to come down again and this time make sure he meets some of your family or friends to help you check him out and to make sure he's able to be sociable. Depending on your age, you might want that first encounter to start at your home where your folks can meet him.
Mind you, some people can't do intimacy. They settle for a half-way relationship because they don't have the confidence for anything more. That's very frustrating for people who are able to be close and stay safe. Other people haven't told the truth about themselves and are scared of being caught out. And sometimes it's all part of a cunning plan to get you to let your guard down and put yourself at risk. Oh, and do you really want to build a relationship with someone who hasn't got the gumption to go for what they want?
Don't forget, a date is just a date. It's not a guarantee you'll both feel keen on each other in the flesh, or willing to cope with the isolation and stress of a long-distance romance leading to a full-time relationship. If he isn't, he isn't. Not your fault, just the way he is. At least you'll know and will be able to move on because you haven't made any commitments to him nor he to you. Meantime you might want to practise your dating skills on some of the lads around you.
Take care of yourself, Natasha. And don't put up with someone half-hearted if you want more. Good luck.
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