Dear Anne
I was involved in a car crash (not my fault) 15 years ago which resulted in my being disabled. Through the years doctors have put me on more and more medication which destroyed my teeth so reluctantly I had to have them all out. I have had four sets of dentures made which have all given me the same problem. The bottom set came loose after an hour or so and the top set had me gagging, so to speak. It became so bad that I have stopped using them altogether, which has now just about destroyed me. I went from being a very active person to a cripple and now have no teeth. This has made me a virtual recluse. Even when friends and family come I go upstairs!
I know I have a real problem now as my wife has caught me two or three times trying to take more of my tablets than I should. I just cannot put up with this any longer. I tried to tell the dentist how I feel and he virtually said, Get on with it! My doctor changes the subject and wants to talk about what he calls more important things (my disabilities), so I have no one to turn to. I'm 44 and feel I'm finished. I know wanting teeth is a trivial thing when compared to so many in worse situations than me. I admire them for their courage, but I don`t have that any more. Regards. James
Dear James
Thank you for your letter. I'm sorry that you've had to undergo such trials and tribulations. On top of all the courage and strength you've needed to get through what's happened to you, you're now having to find extra reserves to deal with this blow to your self-esteem. What with the frustration you've experienced with your dentist's and doctor's attitudes, you no doubt feel that enough is enough. I know you have been caught up in the belief that your future holds no possible pleasure but I hope you will have faith enough to realise that this is just a belief, not a fact.
Your occasional urges to suicide are understandable but self-defeating. Talking things through with a counsellor could be extremely useful. It's often the case that where something cannot readily be changed, such as your disabilities, the person focusses on something apparently less vital as the source of their frustration and unhappiness. Could that be the case with you? Whatever the reason, talking things through with a sympathetic counsellor could allow you to gain a new perspective which might help you to see your current lack of teeth as just one aspect of you, and so that you realise just how much friends and family value you.
You have labelled yourself a cripple but this is not the whole of you. With or without teeth you are a man, a husband, a friend, a relative. You are intelligent and internet literate, and can find yourself resources and a community on the net. You may still be able to work, or to take up interests old and new. There are Olympic athletes in wheelchairs, and people with limited mobility who run businesses from home or from an office. You could perhaps read to someone blind, or contact PhAb, the association for those who are physically handicapped and those who are able bodied. You could find yourself in a unique position to offer something to others.
If you're feeling actively suicidal it's useful to see your doctor about this. Though your current practitioner doesn't sound sympathetic, you are entitled to a second opinion, particularly as your emotional wellbeing is involved. Perhaps it would be useful to write a short note to the GP, explaining how your emotional health is affected by what's going on for you. It may be that in the short term medication could help rebalance your mood, thus giving you the strength to combat your current self-doubts and to find more effective detal treatment.
While many people think that others being worse off is supposed to cheer you up I've never thought that, and it sounds like you don't either. You have your obstacles to happiness to overcome. Your current dental practitioner is not the only one in his profession. Lots of dentists are aware of the urge to retch when something touches the roof of the mouth, so this can also be dealt with by shaping the top plate with sensitivity. It may be worth your while contacting a private dentist if your funds run to that, or contacting your nearest Dental Hospital, where you can obtain free treatment of the highest quality. Advanced students would no doubt be glad of the opportunity to take on a challenge, and as each stage of the treatment is supervised by experienced lecturers in dentistry, you need have no fears. However, waiting lists can be long so it may require patience.
At 44 you are still young. Your mind can be your greatest ally, and you can plan your campaign to overcome your problems. You have already begun by finding help. You can make the best of your life. I wish you confidence and peace of mind. Good luck! My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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