Dear Anne
I have been going out with a lad for the last six months. We get along brilliantly with each other and I really do like him. But my parents are totally against him because his two brothers are in jail and my boyfriend now and again takes tablets. I don't because I have enough problems on my mind at the moment without taking drugs. The best thing about him is that he won't take them around me. Can you please give me some advice? Confused
Dear Confused
I'm sorry you're feeling so perplexed. It's not always easy to think clearly about relationships, especially if your boyfriend is giving you mixed signals. (For example, he thinks he can take drugs and still keep you as a girlfriend and you're sending the same signal back!) Nor does it make things simpler when your parents are against your boyfriend, because you can end up with conflicting loyalties.
I am sure your boyfriend has many good qualities. But isn'9t it worrying that the best thing about him is his not taking drugs around you? Surely that's not your definition of a perfect relationship, is it? You are aware that taking drugs can add to mental difficulties, and fogging reality isn't the best basis for a happy partnership. Nor is this activity always legal. What are the implications of that?
While your boyfriend may be the odd one out in his family, you and your parents are right to be concerned about the attitudes to the law with which he grew up. Drugs aren't necessarily cheap, so you might also want to ask yourself if you and he have similar attitudes to money. If you don't, couldn't that cause you problems in the longer term? Many people who don't go along with the law of the land are great at charming others when they want to but it doesn't mean they'll be good, stable partners.
It's great that you have found someone with whom you can get on brilliantly. This means that you're good company and can attract boyfriends. No doubt you have many other skills and appealing qualities, so you needn't think that without this particular lad you'd be left all alone. There are plenty of interesting, good looking, stable guys out there but will you find someone like that while you're hanging onto this lad?
You may be afraid to pack him in because it'll hurt his feelings. How much does he value your feelings, though, if he carries on with his drug-taking when he knows you don't like it? What he does is his choice. And what you do is yours.
I hope you will act with your own best interests in mind. I'm sure that in your heart of hearts you know what that means.
Good luck!
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