Dear Anne
I have AIDS. What should I do? Ben
Dear Ben
I'm sorry you have this worry. You don't give me much information so I'll offer thoughts in two areas. You'll know which might apply to you.
The first is that sometimes people who have guilty feelings around sex, or watching porn, or their sexual orientation, can believe they have AIDS as some kind of curse or punishment when in fact they don't have AIDS at all. To know for sure whether you do in fact have AIDS you'd need to have blood tests at a GUM (genito-urinary medicine) clinic.
People don't instantly get full-blown AIDS - Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. What they get first is HIV - Human Immunodeficiency Virus. The HIV virus attacks the cells that should protect us, that is, give us immunity, from diseases. There are medicines which can give a great deal of protection from HIV and from other diseases people might catch because their immune system isn't working very well. People can live happy, productive lives for decades with HIV if they look after themselves and seek appropriate medical help. AIDS is the condition where the virus has done so much damage that the immune system more or less gives up.
After getting tests done, then, you'll know whether or not you actually do have either HIV or AIDS. If you haven't, then it's a good idea to talk things through with a psychotherapist who can help you update your thinking.
If you do have HIV or AIDS, then you still need to seek appropriate medical help. There are specialist clinics and services for HIV positive and AIDS survivors. You can find out more about these conditions and what you can usefully do via www.thewellproject.org. If you're in the USA, this website also gives links to support groups for you. If you're somewhere else, you could ask your doctor/clinic or look through Counselling & Advice listings in Yellow Pages to find a support group near you, or enter HIV Support plus the name of your town or area. www.tht.org.uk is the website of the Terrence Higgins Trust, one of the leading HIV/AIDS charities in the UK and the largest in Europe.
The virus is only transferred in blood, semen and natural male lubricant produced inside the man's body, vaginal fluids and breast milk. You can't get or give HIV from kissing, swimming pools or touching, eating or drinking from things HIV sufferers have touched. Most HIV around the world is transmitted during unprotected heterosexual sex, though sharing needles with drug-users is another major risk. It's a bad idea to share a razor with anyone else too. It's important to practise safe sex so you don't infect anyone else, or catch it if you don't already have it. Barrier methods - condoms or femidoms - are fine, but do check for tiny rips in them. It's important to tell partners so they can decide how they're going to protect themselves.
If you do have HIV or AIDS, I hope you'll seek the help you need. And that once you've come to terms with carrying the virus, that you enjoy a long, happy and responsible life. Good luck.
