Dear Anne
I really hope you can help me because I really think I need it. I am 23 years old and I am so worried because once I was so sensible and careful but in the past year I seem to have gone off the rails a little. I don't know how many men I've slept with in the past year. A conservative guess would be 15-20 including a girl. Last week I slept with two horrible men on the one night and stupidly didn't use protection with either of them but I did take the morning after pill.
I am sleeping with people I would never dream of being with but for some reason I can't stop myself. It also doesn't help that I'm usually drunk when this happens. My period is messed up as well at the moment, either arriving late or early but never on time. Recently I was so freaked out by this I took a pregnancy test, but the sad thing is if I had been pregnant I would not have known who the father was. To certain people I really appear to have my head screwed on.
I am a school teacher and appear to have a very good life, but I know myself I am jeopardising all this by being so stupid. I have even taken ecstasy recently, something I would never have done before because I don't like drugs. I don't know how it all began, except that when I was 16 a guy tried to rape me but he didn't and that really doesn't bother me, except that sometimes when I am with somebody I can't have sex because I tense up and it makes it extremely painful. I have never been in a proper relationship. This is largely through choice. I dread the thought of being stuck with the one person for some reason. I'm also not that confident about the way I look because I am overweight although I know I am quite attractive. You are just getting the tip of the iceberg basically but I really would appreciate if you could perhaps give me some advice. I have thought about going to see a counsellor but as of yet I have not. Thank you so much. Anna.
Dear Anna
I do sympathise. It's never pleasant to feel badly about yourself, and this can't be helped by those of your actions that you condemn. So what can you do to turn yourself around?
As you've been finding yourself doing things while drunk that you wouldn't normally consider, have you wondered if maybe you've been drinking to that extent to give yourself permission to break out of your good girl role? It's normal for human beings to need contact with others, so do you think it could be connected with your veto on forming relationships? You say you don't want to find yourself stuck with one person, but doesn't that imply a discount of your personal power to make choices? There are all sorts of relationships. They don't all have to lead to marriage and if you don't like a guy, you can either negotiate for what you want or say goodbye. That's what dating is all about selecting people you like and trying them out. Lots of people of both sexes want part-time relationships that won't interfere with their career, for instance.
