Dear Anne
Why do we Asian women have to put up with Asian culture? My whole life is based on the culture and now it is getting unbearable for me. I just need a second opinion from someone. I was hoping you can help me. Thanks. Shabana
Dear Shabana
I am sorry you're feeling trapped and unhappy with your culture. You are not the only woman in your situation who feels that way and you do have choices, although it may not seem like it right now!
Firstly, it's important to remember that Asian culture is incredibly varied. There are some families who insist of traditional dress and strict interpretations of morality, just as there are others who are quite happy for their daughters and sisters to behave in a more Westernised way, choosing their own clothes, professions, interests and lifestyle and that includes choosing their own husbands.
Your parents, like others, may be proud of the many advantages traditional Asian values offer: protection and community are just two of these. However, people who have grown up in the West may want different things, and that can lead to tension or even to being shut out of a particular family or community. Some people do take that route, and launch themselves joyously into the adventure of an independent life where they can make their own choices and their own friends.
I'm not inviting you to throw the baby out with the bathwater, though. You may find it useful to ring the UK Asian Women's Centre on 0121-523-4910 or 0121-515-3947. This organisation has the approval of many traditional Asian leaders, and is staffed by women of various origins and backgrounds who will understand what you're going through and how you feel. Whatever you decide, I hope you will be happy. Good luck!
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